Beginnings
by xoxoxo
Summary: It's offical. I have a problem. I'm a Jamaholic. Another take, another way these two might deal with the truth.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: OK. So I'm still obsessed. And this is what you get when I get a break from weeks of non-stop work._

_As if work was able to stop me anyway._

_This time I'm not making any claims. I promise angst and deliver fluff. It's my hopelessly romantic nature I suppose. So here's another version of what happens "after" - and this time I'm not promising anything._

_Except - of course - the end result. (:_

**Beginnings**

His eyes are bloodshot and there's a shadow of stubble on his face. He looks like he's been up all night. She's never seen him look like that. Not even after she knows he's been out partying. This time, she knows she's the reason.

She's huddled with him in the stairwell and she's terrified someone will discover them at any moment. That someone will overhear.

"So that's how it's going to be." He whispers harshly.

Roy uses the stairs all the time, is all she can think at the moment.

She's not paying close enough attention. She doesn't hear his question. "What?"

He's angry. Angrier than she's ever seen him. Which brings the thought to her mind, has she ever seen him angry? Oh yeah. Halloween, she remembers then. And…another time. When she'd given up the idea of the internship. She doesn't connect that she's the common denominator between those two events.

He's still talking. "We're going to do it this way? Pretend that nothing happened? Go around just like everything's fine?"

Her voice shakes as she replies - it's more of a plea actually. "I don't know why we can't."

He stares at her and it dawns on him. "Of course you don't. I understand perfectly now."

Her eyes dart around her, hoping to spot an escape. "What?"

His words sound cruel, even to his own ears but he's beyond caring. "Look at you. You're in a constant state of denial. I should have noticed before. Its how you've stayed with him for ten years. How you've let him string you along all this time."

She quivers as she stares up at him, her eyes brimming with tears. "That's not fair."

He bites his lip and shakes his head at her. "Yeah - well. You know what? I'm tired of being fair. I just want a straight answer Pam. For once…"

She's crying now. "Don't do this."

He wants to stop but he can't. He simply stares at her.

She turns away and hugs her arms around herself. "Please. Not now. Don't do this…here. Just…please. Don't."

"Why? Am I making you uncomfortable?" He asks, sarcastically.

She wants to hold her hands over her ears and start to hum so she can't hear him. She wants him to stop looking at her like that. So she begs him. "Please, stop."

He gently but firmly turns her to face him again. "I'm not going to go away." He promises her.

"Jim." She sobs.

He keeps talking, hoping she'll finally come to her senses. "I'm not going to back off. I'm done with that. Sorry if it inconveniences you but I'm not going to just forget that when I kissed you - you kissed me back."

"Please."

He releases her finally, his voice laced with pain as he slowly backs away from her. "You kissed me back Pam. You know you did."

"You kissed me back." He whispers in her ear right before she runs past him and out the door.

xoxoxoxoxo

She hangs her head as she walks up to the house. She reaches into the mailbox and is greeted with a pile of little lavender envelopes. She sits at the kitchen table and begins to open them.

_Yes. _

_Sorry but our thoughts will be with you!_

_Love to. _

_Can't wait! _

_You and Roy are **so** perfect together!_

She sighs as she flips through the responses. She and Roy? Perfect together? Really? Do people really think that?

Does she really think that?

She feels sick to her stomach. _Pam. Face it. This isn't how you should feel when you're weeks from getting married._

She has an overwhelming desire to run. _And then what Pam? You'll be like that bride, faking your own kidnapping. And it will only be because you're too scared to admit the truth._

She keeps thinking of him, of the way she felt when he kissed her. How for a brief, glorious moment everything seemed…right. _He has a point, Pam. You know he's not crazy. You kissed him back. _

_And you liked it._

xoxoxoxoxoxo

A whole weekend goes by and still there are no answers. They're at a standstill, a standoff. Every time he gazes at her desk, she looks away. He's light headed from the lack of sugar; he hasn't had a jellybean since last Thursday.

He sits alone in the break room and eats his lunch. He can't believe that he can possibly feel worse than he does until…

"Hey. Halpert."

_Perfect. This is just what he needs. _"What's up Roy?"

"Listen. Pammy - she's been acting weird lately and since you're - you know - friends I just thought maybe you could talk to her for me."

_Stop calling her Pammy. The name doesn't fit her. She's Pam. Just Pam. Simply, Pam. Perfect…Pam._ "Let me get this straight. You want me to talk to your fiancé? **_For you_**?" He gazes at him open mouthed.

"Yeah. You know. She gets started and all I can hear is…" Roy laughs and makes a puppet like motion with his hand. "Blah, blah, blah."

_I could listen to her talk for hours. You have no idea what you have. You have no idea what I wouldn't give to trade places with you._ And it's over. He decides. He's done pretending that what he has is enough.

"Sorry Roy. Can't help you." He says as he moves to stand.

"Huh?"

_Something wrong with your hearing, dumbass? _He takes a steadying breath. He bumps Roy against the door frame as he makes his way back to his desk. He doesn't care that he might be pissing him off in the process.

He turns back and gives him a glare, his voice dangerously soft. "You want to know what's going on with her. You're going to have to ask her yourself."

xoxoxoxoxoxo

She sits at her desk and remembers. She remembers her first day. She remembers how he made her laugh ten minutes after she walked in the door.

She remembers how at lunch he pulled her aside and whispered something about how Michael means well but has 'foot in mouth' disease - and to take anything he says with a grain of salt. He told her that Dwight would be a constant source of amusement, and to never, ever, **EVER** joke around about cats when Angela was in earshot.

She knew - right then - that she'd be friends with him forever.

And so they were. Friends. Best friends. _Just friends_.

Except she knows now it's a lie. Her head is spinning so fast, she thinks it might burst. _Friends don't say…I'm in love with you. Friends don't make you want to say it back. Friends don't kiss each other._

_Not like that. _

She stands to go to the fax machine but as she does she catches his eye and the papers slip from her grasp. As she crouches down to pick them up the thoughts fly through her mind. _Friends don't make your stomach flutter when they look at you. Friends don't look at you. _

_Not like that._

And she knows she can't keep doing this. Pretending that she doesn't know her world is crumbling in front of her eyes, that the clock isn't ticking, that the calendar isn't moving, that it's not three weeks and two days before her wedding. She can't pretend anymore that she hasn't noticed that she's stopped making plans, that she's simply just stopped doing anything.

She gazes over at him and all she can think is maybe it's time to start again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

He needed a drink. He needed many drinks.

It's Wednesday. It's late. He's been here a while and now he's practically at the bar alone. And he's overjoyed by that fact.

The rest of the office had ventured to Poor Richard's. He went to Chili's instead because he knew she didn't like to go there. They didn't believe she'd truly been banned but he knew Pam was too mortified to take the chance.

Which is why he was completely shocked when Angela brought her in.

Pam sways as she walks towards him and he could see that she'd had twice as many drinks as she should. She grips the edge of the bar and stares at her feet.

Jim tears his eyes from her and glances at the woman standing beside her. "Hey Angela."

"Hello Jim." She says her clipped, school-marmy tone.

"What brings you here?" He says idly as he takes a long pull from his beer, as if that'll fix things.

"It's not what brings me, it's what I bring." She replies nodding her head in Pam's direction.

"She's had too much to drink." Jim sighs. "You should just take her home." He says softly.

Its then that Pam finally finds her voice. "No. Not goin' home." She says a little too loudly.

He shakes his head as she stumbles toward him. He catches her arm and sets her back on his feet. He looks over her head and pleads. "Angela. _C'mon_."

"Office romances are no one's business." She replies as she turns on her heel and leaves them alone.

Pam moves to sit on the barstool but her foot slips as she attempts to climb on. He catches her before she can fall.

"_Pam._" He takes her hand and leads her to a booth. He orders a large glass of water and a plate of fries and sits on the other side of the table, unable to take his eyes off her.

Her eyes are bright, her cheeks are flushed. Her hair is unpinned and curling about her face. His heart beats faster and his palms begin to sweat. _Damnit. _He bites his lip and shifts in his seat.

"What are you doing?" He asks her then.

"I needed to talk to you." She replies as she takes a long gulp of water. Her mouth has gone dry as she looks at him.

"Not like this, Pam." He says softly.

"No." She looks up at him, her bottom lip trembling. "Don't worry. It's good. I have something to say. I just…"

He cuts her off and shakes his head. "Not like this. I don't want you to have to drink yourself into a stupor to be able to face me."

"_Jim._" She pleads.

He pushes the plate in front of her. "Eat something before you get sick."

She nods and begins to nibble on a fry. As he watches her, he actually finds the way she does it to be erotic.

_You're pathetic. _He thinks with a sigh. _Why do you do this to yourself?_

"I have to…" She tries again.

"Don't." He warns her.

"I'm so tired." She says her voice full of exhaustion. "I'm so tired of everything."

He takes out his wallet and pays the bill. "I'll take you home then."

She shakes her head, her eyes filling up and spilling over. "I'm not going there. I can't stay there with him." She says desperately. "Don't make me."

"Pam." He breathes her name, suddenly exhausted himself.

"I can't." She pleads.

He can see he won't be able to get her out of the car if he tries to take her home. "Where do you want me to take you then? Do you want me to drive you to your mother's?"

"No. I want to go with you." She says, her voice getting stronger.

He moves to stand. "I'm not doing this."

"Why won't you let me talk?" She whispers as she stares at her lap.

He leans close, his voice dangerous. "Because when you say whatever it is you're about to say I don't want you to be able to have an excuse."

"_Jim..._"

He cuts her off. "I don't want you to tell me tomorrow that you were drunk and it's a mistake. I…" It pains him to be this vulnerable but lately there's no other way he can be. "I wouldn't be able to take it."

She stares up at him and sniffles.

"Do you understand?" He asks, his voice full of sadness, tears shining in his own eyes. "I can't take it."

"How did this happen?" She asks him then, her voice breaking on every other word. "I don't want it to be like this."

"Me neither." He says as he holds his hand out to her and helps her to stand. "But you're the one who has to change it." He says softly.

"I'm not sure how." She admits as she sways into him, still unsteady on her feet.

He catches her before she can fall, his arms curling around her and he holds her for a few long moments. She sinks into him easily and he closes his eyes. It's complete torture - because all he wants to do is keep her there forever.

"It's simple." His lips graze the top of her head as he whispers almost too low for her to hear. "Choose me."

xoxoxoxoxo

She gets what she wants anyway, and he's not at all surprised. As if he could ever say no to her. She falls dead asleep in the front seat of his car. He knows he can't keep her there - it's hot and it's muggy and he just…can't. So he does the only thing he can think of. He pulls into his driveway and scoops her up and brings her inside.

He can hear Mark's girlfriend giggling down the hall. Sighing, he shifts Pam in his arms and brings her upstairs, placing her gently on his bed. He tries not to wake her as he slips her shoes off her feet.

He sits at the chair at his desk and watches her sleep. An hour goes by before he even realizes it. He gazes at her as she stretches a bit and moans softly. She turns on her side and her skirt rides up on her thighs. Only one thought fills his mind then, okay, maybe two. But the one that wins out is…

_I've got to get out of here._

He slips from the room as quietly as he can and tiptoes down the stairs. He turns the TV on, puts the volume on mute and stretches out on the couch, his feet dangling over the side.

Though he couldn't be more uncomfortable - finally he sleeps. And as he does he's desperately trying not to dream.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

He caught her trying to sneak out at five in the morning, carrying her shoes in her hand.

She looks horrified when she sees him standing in the doorway of the living room.

"Jim." She gasps.

"Need a ride somewhere?" He whispers.

"I don't…I don't think that's a good idea." She says softly.

_How did I get here?_ She thinks desperately.

"Yeah. Probably not." He agrees with a nod.

"I…" She bites her lip and stares at her feet. She can't form a complete sentence.

He puts his hand up to stop her. If she says she's sorry the crack in his heart will grow wider and he can't take that so early in the morning. "Don't."

She brings her eyes to his and he can see that she's not feeling well at all.

"Need something for that headache?" He asks then.

"I'm okay." She shakes her head and winces. Her mouth feels like it's full of cotton. She leans a hand on the railing of the stairs. "Maybe."

"C'mere." He holds a hand out to her and leads her to the kitchen. She's surprised at how easily she follows him.

"You look like hell, Beesly." He says as he reaches into the cupboard for a bottle of Tylenol. He shakes two out and lays them on the counter.

"That's good. It matches how I feel." She sighs as she reaches over and grabs them, running her thumb over the pills in her palm. She slowly walks to sit at the kitchen table.

"You're going to want coffee." He says as he places a bottle of water in front of her. Before she can answer he moves to make some.

She scrunches her nose up at him. "Ew. I don't like coffee."

"It'll help with the headache." He replies. "Tea's not nearly strong enough. It's either coffee or I can make you this sick concoction Mark drinks whenever he has too many. It involves raw eggs and tomato juice…"

Her stomach turns at the mere thought. "Coffee's good." She says softly.

She sits there and watches him. How carefully he measures, how his fingers move expertly over the coffee maker. She can't take her eyes off him.

A voice breaks through the pounding in her head. _You're fascinated by the way he makes coffee. Do you understand what that means?_

_He's making you coffee. He's making **you **coffee. When was the last time Roy did anything for you without your having to drop hints the size of Texas?_

When he turns back to face her she's crying. Alarmed he takes a step closer to her.

"I want…" She whispers as she watches him moving towards her.

_You had a fight with Roy yesterday. You practically told him it was over. It was so bad you drank five gin and tonics trying to get up enough nerve to leave him. Remember that Pam? That's how you got here._

"What?" He asks hopefully. The thought flys through his mind before he can stop it. _Me?_

"...to say something." She replies. She wipes at her eyes and wrings her hands in her lap. "I used to be able to talk to you so easily. Why is this so hard?"

_Because it's scary. Because it's different and new and you're just used to your life the way it is now. Because if you give that up, you don't know if you'll even be able to recognize yourself._

He wishes he had an answer for her. "It doesn't have to be." He says simply.

She doesn't know exactly where to begin. "You need to understand. I just can't walk away from ten years of my life."

He stares at her. "I don't see it that way. I honestly can't believe you've let him waste so much of your time."

She fights to explain. "You don't understand. It used to be different. He used to be different. I think he just got used to having me around - that's all."

"So used to you he doesn't notice you're there half the time." Jim mutters bitterly. How Roy could ever forget he had Pam sitting beside him was beyond him.

Jim can't take it. He doesn't even know how it's possible. _Couldn't he hear her laughing? Does he not see her smile? How does he not realize how amazing she is?_

If she knew what he was thinking she might be able to give him answers. Maybe because she doesn't smile much when Roy is around. Maybe because, lately, her smiles are reserved only for him.

But - she doesn't know so she says something different.

"Stop rubbing that in my face. God. I wish I'd never told that story." She snaps back at him, her voice rising.

He knows that it hurts her to bring that up. He thinks that's why he does it - so she can finally see it for herself. Roy is careless. The things he does hurt her. And it makes his blood boil that she's gotten to the point where she just expects it.

"I just don't understand how someone like you could put up with that." He shakes his head.

"What do you mean _someone like me_?" She asks him then, her voice still angry.

"You really don't know do you?" He says softly.

"What?" She looks at him blankly.

"How amazing you are." He whispers.

Her heart begins to pound in time with her head. "I think you have a warped image of who I am, Jim." She stares up at him. "I'm not that special…"

He can see he's got her thinking and decides to keep going. He cuts her off softly. "See. I think it's the opposite. I think he's warped your image of yourself so badly that I'm the only one who sees who you really are anymore."

It's getting harder to breathe. She can't believe that her life is suddenly a cheesy soap opera. _How the hell could this possibly happen? My life is supposed to be simple. I've loved Roy forever and now we're getting married - finally - just like normal people do. The wedding's in three weeks. My bridesmaids are wearing lavender and the cake has raspberry filling. _

"Stop." Her voice is barely audible.

The words keep swirling in her head. _My dress is the whitest white imaginable. I'm wearing my mother's veil. Roy wants to drive off in his truck after the reception. Darryl and the guys are going to decorate it. We're going to the beach for a honeymoon. We're going to look for a house in the fall. At least, Roy says that we might…_

Jim is oblivious to Pam's thoughts. He's too caught up in his own. This isn't the way he'd pictured any of this. Five minutes ago he was nursing her hangover and now he's bringing it all up again.

This isn't the way he thought it would go. But it's started and he needs to finish.

His voice is steadier than he feels as he continues. "No - Pam. I'm sorry but I can't. If I do you'll go ahead and marry him…"

"Jim." Her eyes plead with him to be quiet.

"…and make the biggest mistake of your life." He closes the distance between them, reaching down and pulling her out of the chair.

_"Stop." _She begs as she stumbles to her feet.

His hands grip her elbows, and it's the only thing that's holding her upright. "And you can tell me a thousand times that it's all in my head - that I'm seeing something that isn't there but I know you, Pam. And I know that when you say that you're lying."

She's sobbing now and he hates himself, but he's not letting her go until she answers him.

It's the perfect time. It's the perfect place. They're not at the office. The only people who could possibly overhear are Mark and his girlfriend and they'd cheer him on if they knew what he was saying right now.

He takes her face in his hands and makes her eyes meet his. "Tell me you're sure. Tell me you are **_absolutely _**sure that he's what you want and I'll leave you alone."

"Jim..." She tries to twist away but he tightens his hold.

"Look me in the eye and tell me you don't feel anything. That when I do this…" His lips seek hers in a desperate kiss. And when they do she can't help herself. She does it again. She kisses him back. Her hands run up his chest and come to rest on his shoulders as she sinks into him.

The air smells like fresh coffee and her skin smells like citrus. Her mouth tastes minty and slightly antiseptic, like she's stolen some of his mouthwash.

The bizarre combination intoxicates him. He can't get enough of her.

He leans his forehead on hers as he reluctantly pulls away. It takes him a moment to catch his breath.

He already knows the truth. It was obvious. Still he asks her anyway. "…you feel nothing."

"I can't…" She shakes her head at him as if to say that she doesn't, but her hands are running over the lines of his face and spearing into his hair and the answer is obvious.

The weight begins to lift off his chest when he hears her words. His lips form into a smile involuntarily. He pulls her closer and before he can stop himself his mouth is on hers again. He eases back and whispers against her lips. "Then tell me you're calling it off."

She can't think. She can't see. She's afraid she's going to faint. The thoughts are filling her mind again. _I've wanted to be married forever. I've wanted to be married to Roy. The plans are all made. It's practically done already. I'm going to be married in three weeks..._

And before she can stop herself she says, nearly hysterical. "I can't…"

Jim's heart falls to his stomach. He knew it was too good to be true. And even as the waves of disappointment wash over him he still can't give up. It seems no matter how many times she denies it he still tries to convince her.

He lets her go and takes a step full step back as he tells her. "Yes. You **_can_**."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

"I want to go home." She says softly, finally able to find her voice.

"To him." Jim states bitterly and gives her a look.

She can't believe the thought never occurred to her, that if she actually went home Roy would be there. Her eyes widen in shock.

"NO." She knows she can't go back there - not the way she feels right now.

He can tell she's distraught and he knows he's the one who made her that way. "Pam."

"I want to go…" She tries again.

"I know. You want to keep running…"

She knows what he says is true - but she still is trying to make things normal again.

"I just…" She doesn't know what to say. It's no use. He's right. She kissed him back, and even as she stands here, trying to rationalize she knows deep in her heart that she wants to do it again.

He looks in her eyes again and shakes his head. "I already told you. I'm not going away."

"Why?" She says desperately.

"Because, Pam. I love you." He says simply.

Her heart skips a beat as he says it. And though there's a different reply in her mind she hears herself say, "Why?"

She doesn't understand why he just won't let it go.

"How long do you have?" He shoves his hands in his pockets and shrugs. "There are million reasons."

"I…" She turns away from him and tries to catch her breath. "You…you should find someone else."

He raises his eyes to the ceiling and inhales deeply. "I tried that." He shakes his head at her. "Didn't work."

"I…" She begins.

His voice rises in annoyance. "If you say 'I can't' one more time I'm telling you **_right_** now. I won't be held responsible for what I do."

She can't believe the tone of his voice. It shocks her and stops the thoughts from swirling in her head. "_Excuse me_?"

He leans back against the counter and crosses his arms over his chest. "It's getting really old Pam."

Her mind begins to clear. "Do you have any idea how hard this is for me?" She asks him then.

He knows. He knows because he knows her so well. He knows how difficult this is. But it still won't stop him. He'll knows he'll keep trying every single day.

At least, until time runs out.

"No. I know it's not easy. But that's my point. If you are having this much trouble trying to figure it out…"

"What?" She gives him a look.

"I must be right." There's a smugness to his voice that she's not used to at all. "Actually. I know I'm right."

"You know what?" She says, beginning to get angry. "I don't like you much when you're like this."

"I don't like me like this either." His hands itch to touch her but he keeps them balled at his sides. "I'd much rather be sitting here in this kitchen joking around with you, I'd rather be doing something else - like maybe just taking care of you because I can see your head is still pounding. But…you won't let me Pam." He says softly.

"Everything was fine…" She starts.

"Was it really?" He asks pointedly.

She tries again, her voice gaining strength. "Yes. It was fine. But now…you've changed things."

"Be honest. They changed a long time ago." He says softly.

Her heart is beating frantically again, because she knows he's right. "Why did you kiss me?" She asks desperately.

"C'mon Pam. Stop it. You know why." He replies, standing up straight and giving her a look. "Why did _you_ kiss _me_?"

She simply stands there and stares at him and the look in her eyes gives him her answer.

"_Pam_."

"I-I-I don't know what to do." She says desperately, her eyes brimming with tears.

He keeps his eyes on hers as he answers. "Yeah. _You do_."

"I don't think I can." But even as she says it she takes a tentative step forward.

_Stop running Pam. Aren't you tired? What would it be like if you just gave in? You could still get married, it just won't happen in three weeks. You could be happy. He'll make you happy. He'll take care of you. He'll make you laugh. You already know that. Be honest. FOR ONCE. You already know…_

He can see the change in her but he shoves his hopes down, unwilling to get burned again so quickly. Still his mind screams out to her. _C'mon Pam. Stop running._

He gazes at her as he whispers. "You can do whatever you want."

"I want…" She says breathlessly as she makes her way over to him.

In seconds his arms close around her and he pulls her against him. He spins her around so she leans against the counter and she's thankful because her knees are weak. They become weaker still when his lips brush against hers.

"I need to hear you say it. Just…once." He can't stand that he has to beg her but he honestly has no choice.

"You." She whispers as she winds her arms around his neck and crushes her mouth to his. "I want you."

xoxoxoxoxoxo

"Way to go Jimmy." Mark claps a hand on his friend's shoulder as he moves past him to get a cup of coffee.

"Yeah." Jim laughs loudly. He looks at Mark thoughtfully. "Hey. Has anyone ever told you that you have absolutely _**fan-tas-tic** _timing?" He still cannot believe how they were just so rudely interrupted.

Minutes after Pam _finally_ gave in Mark and his girlfriend came bounding into the kitchen - startling them both and causing them to spring apart.

The moment was ruined, but he was encouraged by the fact that Pam actually giggled as she pulled away. The smile on her face was something he was not about to forget for quite some time. She was now upstairs in the shower and Ashley, Mark's girlfriend, was finding her something else to wear.

"Sorry. Honestly, I had no idea you had someone here." He says, still chuckling. "I mean…I had no idea you had **_her_** here." He knew full well exactly what that meant.

Since his feet aren't even touching the ground yet, Jim can't do anything else but smile.

"So. The wedding's off." Mark smiles back at him as he takes a sip.

He smiles wider. "Well. Not…_officially_, but I'm going with…yeah."

"Good for you. I was worried for a second. You were cutting it close." He replies. "I thought maybe you'd chicken out."

"I couldn't do that." He shrugs.

Mark nods in acknowledgement, suddenly distracted as Ashley joins them.

"She OK?" Jim asks.

"She's fine." She smiles at him. It's so cute how concerned he sounds. "That must have been some kiss Jim. She's tripping over her own feet."

"I try." He laughs back at her.

"Well. Good job." She says as she turns her face up to Mark's and kisses him softly.

Jim moves into the living room and as he does he catches Pam on the stairs again. This time her hair is damp and she's wearing jeans that are a little too long. He's surprised to see a set of pale pink toenails peek out from underneath. She's wearing one of his t-shirts and it's so big on her it looks like its swallowed her whole.

He's never seen anything more beautiful in his life.

She takes a deep breath and walks over to him, her arms sliding around his waist and pulling him close. "Hey." She whispers.

"Hey." He replies as he places a kiss on her hair, smiling widely at how she was the one to come to him this time.

"How are we going to get out of work today?" She says her voice muffled.

Honestly? He hadn't even thought about it, but it's clear neither one of them wants to go. "Good question."

"I mean…" She snuggles closer. "…without people getting the wrong idea."

"Actually in this instance - I think they'll have the right idea." He laughs at her.

They stand there for a while, breathing each other in. Finally Pam feels the need to say something.

"I'm going to have to talk to him." She shivers a bit as his hands run up and down her back. "Like…soon."

He knows exactly what she's talking about. "I know."

"I checked my messages. He called my cell phone four times last night." She says softly.

"I'm surprised he actually remembers the number." Jim says bitterly.

"Don't do that…" She pulls away sharply.

He can kick himself for ruining the moment. "I'm sorry…"

Her eyes aren't even angry, it just looks like she's ashamed at him and that makes it ten times worse.

"This isn't his fault. Not really." She says then.

"I know. I'm sorry." He nods.

"It's going to be bad enough." She blinks back tears. "I owe him at least that much."

He pulls her back in his arms and whispers. "Will it make it easier if I go in today?"

When she hears that suggestion she's torn. Part of her wants him to stay right here. If he leaves she thinks that maybe she'll lose her nerve and she doesn't want that to happen. She looks up at him, her gaze uncertain.

"I don't know…" She says honestly.

Jim can't believe he's making plans to leave her right now, but he thinks in the long run it's for the better. "It might be a good idea. It might make it easier to talk to him later if he doesn't think you've been here with me."

"You're probably right." Pam says with a nod, suddenly relieved. She plays with the buttons on his shirt as she averts her eyes from his.

"So. I called my mom…"

"Again?" He smiles. He gives her a look. "Hmm. I tell you I love you - you call your mom. It's becoming a habit with you."

"Yes. I guess you have that affect on me." She smiles back. She's suddenly a bit embarrassed. "Jim...it's just that…"

He cuts her off softly, running a hand over her cheek and tucking a stray curl behind her ear. "She understands you. I get it. So. What did she say?"

"I asked her…she's…umm…she's coming to get me."

He shouldn't be surprised, but he is. "Oh."

"I'm going to stay with her. It's just…I need to figure out how to do this." She whispers.

"OK."

"And I don't want to make it a big deal…well - it's going to be but I don't want it bigger than it has to be. I mean. His family…I'm going to hurt a lot of people and it's going to be…messy." Her breath begins to hitch. "I just don't want…"

He kisses her quickly to get her to stop and she sighs as he pulls away.

"It's OK. I get it." He smiles down at her. His voice is full of concern as his arms tighten around her. "If you want me there when you talk to him, I'll be there. If you don't…not gonna lie. It'll kill me…but I want you to do whatever is easier for you."

As she hears his words she absolutely believes him. It's something she's never had, someone wanting what's easiest for her. Every second she feels more sure. She's still terrified, she's still dreading this, she's still sure it's going to be horrific. But she looks up at him and for a few brief moments it's all peaceful and calm and…right.

"Even if I go to stay with her, you're not going anywhere right?" She asks him then, her voice quivering a bit.

"No." He promises.

"Because if I do this…" She begins again.

"_When_." He corrects her.

"When I do this…" She sighs. "You won't change your mind?"

"Impossible. Do you have any idea how long I've waited for this moment?" He says with a grin.

She gives him a look and smiles back in spite of it all. "Umm. Three years?"

"No." He shakes his head at her. His mouth moves over hers as he whispers. "Try forever."


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: Disclaimer - You might not like this chapter my dear Jammers. But a little bird gave me some insight yesterday and I decided I liked the idea. I was already going to go in a similar direction anyway. I mean - c'mon. How incredible a kisser could Jim be? Good enough to wipe out a ten year relationship? Hmmm. OK - I have my suspicions but actually - I'm not 100 percent sure. _

_So…there you have it. Complications galore. ;)_

**Chapter Five**

"Pam?" Her mother whispers as she places a hand gently on her shoulder.

"Huh? What?" She replies, still half asleep.

"He's here, sweetheart."

Fear courses through her veins as she begins to wake up.

"Oh."

She is half surprised. Part of her really didn't think he'd care enough to make the effort. _When did that happen? When she did stop expecting things from him?_

"He's in the living room."

"OK." She says taking a deep breath and getting up off the bed.

"Your dad and I will be outside sweetie. If you need us..." She gives her a small smile. She knows exactly what is happening and she wishes, in only the way a mother can, that she could decide for her.

"OK." Pam nods and walks towards the door.

She makes her way down the stairs and he's standing there. _He looks tired._ She thinks and her heart hurts a little.

"Hey Pammy." He says with a smile. He gives her a sheepish look. "Look. I'm sorry..."

"Roy." She shakes her head at him.

"Whatever I did that you're pissed about…I'm sorry. OK?" He takes a deep breath and holds a hand out to her. "C'mon. Let's get out of here."

She stands where she is and doesn't move an inch. "It's not that simple."

He gives her an exasperated look. He doesn't know why she has to be so difficult all the time. Like they're the first people to ever get married or have a wedding. He's trying to figure her out. You'd think after ten years he'd know but she has this way of changing too fast for him to really keep up.

"Is it the bachelor party? You know I won't do anything crazy. It's just the guys - you know how they are - they might get a little out of hand. But I'll come home to you baby, you know that right?" He whispers against her neck as he tries to pull her close.

She's horrified by the fact that she doesn't want him to touch her. Her head is spinning as she tries to sort it all out. _Why is that? Is it because you are cheating on Roy with Jim or cheating on Jim with Roy?_

How is it possible to feel like it's both? And when did she become a cheater anyway? She would never do that. She can't even believe this is happening.

"Roy. Stop it." She twists out of his grasp and walks across the room.

He drops his hands at his sides and gives up. His voice is full of frustration. "OK. What the hell is wrong with you lately?"

"I don't think I can do this." She says softly, but even as she does she's not sure if she really means it.

"Pam. C'mon. Don't be stupid." He sighs.

Her eyes fill with hurt as he says it. "I'm _not_ stupid."

He takes another deep breath and tries to stay calm. "I didn't say you were stupid I said don't _act _stupid. It's OK. I know you went to college." He says mockingly.

"That bothers you doesn't it?" She snaps back at him.

"What?"

"That I actually went to college."

He rolls his eyes. This is a conversation they've had a million times. "Whatever Pam."

"You do that to me all the time. Make me feel bad because I went to school. I never throw it in your face - the fact that you didn't. You could have you know." She whispers harshly.

"I didn't want to." He shrugs.

She's shaking her head at him. "That's not true. You were too scared to. You're too scared to do anything." As the words come out it's oddly freeing. It's about time they go to the real problem.

His face reddens because he knows there's truth to that. "_Pam_." His voice holds a warning.

She's started and she can't stop. Her eyes plead with him to give her a reason to change her mind. Because for all her talk, for all the feelings she has for Jim she's still not sure - not really.

"What will it be like in ten more years? Where will we be? Will I still be working reception and you'll be at the warehouse, going to the same bar with the same guys every night after work? Is that really enough for you?"

"Yeah. Pretty much." He replies, now completely annoyed. "Sorry if it's not enough for you. Freaking Queen of England." He mutters as he turns away from her.

She knows what that expression means. She is immediately defensive. "I'm **_not_** being snobby."

"Of course not." He says sarcastically. "It's just nothing is ever good enough for you is it?"

"It's not bad to want more that you have. It's not…" Her voice holds a hint of desperation as thoughts of Jim begin to flash through her mind.

"What do you want Pam? A house with a stupid patio?" He doesn't know what to say to get her to stop harping at him.

"Terrace." She says sadly.

"What?" He looks at her confused.

"It's not a patio it's a terrace." She whispers.

"Fine." He wants to punch something she's making him so angry. That look on her face, the one of complete and utter disappointment. It's all he sees lately. He paces the floor a bit and then turns back to look at her. "You know what? Why don't you just give me a dictionary next time you want to talk? You know - since I skipped college and all."

She takes a deep breath as she stares up at him. "I don't think we should get married." She says softly.

He pretends he doesn't hear her. "Give me a break, Pam. C'mon - for just five seconds ease up a little."

"Roy. I need you to listen to me. I don't think we should do it." She says again.

He takes a steadying breath and moves closer to her as he attempts again to repair the damage. She's talking crazy - so whatever he did he knows he's got to do some major grovelling now.

He gives her a grin and winks at her. "Look. I'm an ass. You know I'm an ass but you love me anyway. I know you're mad but baby, c'mon. Let's go home, let's just relax a little. I'll tell you what. I'll take you to that Italian place you like and you can even order that dessert that takes a half hour."

She looks up at him and is suddenly incredibly sad. He really thinks that that's all she wants - to be able to order the chocolate soufflé that he's usually too impatient to wait for. As if that's all that's wrong here.

"It's more than that - Roy." She says sadly as she sinks down into the couch. "I need you to **LISTEN TO ME**."

"Alright." He's getting nervous now. For the first time he realizes that there is something different about the way she's looking at him - the way she's talking to him.

"I don't think we should get married." She says again but can't quite meet his eyes.

He blinks as he hears how serious she sounds. "You don't?"

"No. I…I'm just. There's a lot that I think we need…" She can't figure out how to say it. _Jim kissed me and I kissed Jim and I think I might love him instead _doesn't quite seem fair. "…things aren't the way they should be, Roy. I just…"

His palms begin to sweat because now that he hears her he knows she wouldn't be acting this way if something wasn't terribly wrong. He looks at her face and starts to panic. _She can't be serious. What is she saying? She can't really be thinking of leaving him._

He stammers a bit as he begins. "Y-you wanted me to set a date. I know I took a while but we set it." He moves to sit beside her and places a hand on her knee. "Honey. I thought you were happy now…"

"I know…" She nods and stares at her lap as tears begin to fall.

"And I know you wanted me to do more but look. I got the band and I planned the honeymoon. I thought you'd like to do all the girly stuff with your mom and your friends…"

"I know…" She says with a small sob.

_It's bad._ He thinks desperately. _This isn't just something little._ He tries to figure out what to do. He decides the easiest thing is to just ask her. He can tell he's not doing a good job guessing.

"Tell me what you want me to do Pam. I know I've known you forever…" He smiles a bit and inches closer. "…but I can't read your mind. I can't fix it if I don't know it's broken, ya know?" He says softly as he takes her hand in his.

It's familiar and comfortable to sit there with him. It's not like when Jim holds her hand, where her head feels like it's about to float away and her stomach fills with butterflies. But is that just because it's something new that she's not used to or is it different because it's _Jim_?

She thought that talking to Roy would make it clearer - but it's more confusing than ever.

"Just tell me what you want. Let me fix it." He gently runs a hand over her hair.

She turns to him and fights to find her voice. He looks like she's punched him in the stomach and she feels like just sinking into his arms and crying. Why did she think this would be easier? Suddenly she's not as sure as she was this morning. _How did this happen? How did they get here?_

It shouldn't be this hard. It shouldn't hurt this much to say the words to him.

She gazes at Roy and runs a hand over the side of his face as she whispers. "I don't know if you can."


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: Either I don't have enough work to do or I'm just **that** obsessed. I travel for my job and am right this minute away from home for the second week in a row. (PSA: Business travel is not glamorous. Hotel food is **miserable** for one's health and waistline.) So anyway - I did have a point in bringing that up and it was to just say… What do you think is the only DVD I've brought to play on my laptop?_

_Season 1 of The Office._

_So I guess there's my answer. ;)_

_As I keep saying - I keep trying to do something different here but God help me I can't completely keep them apart._

_(PS - Writing Dwight kills me. He's got me looking up the mating habits of wild animals on Google. Insanity.)_

**Chapter Six**

He's been alternatively staring at the door and then his watch. He sighs because it's torture. He hasn't seen or heard from her since she left his house on Thursday and he doesn't know what that means.

_Is no news good news? Is it bad news?_ His head spins trying to figure it out. As he sits there the door swings open and suddenly she's there.

And she looks exhausted.

"Pamalamala." Michael calls out as he sees her come in the door. He slaps a hand on the counter and gives her a glare. "You - are - tardy young lady."

"I know Michael, I'm sorry I…" She doesn't pick her head up.

"Tardy, tardy who likes to party?" He sings over her and does an incredibly awkward dance.

"I'm sorry. I had a long drive. I hit some traffic." She says softly. _Please stop_. She silently begs.

_Long drive? Traffic? So she's still at her parents'. Interesting._ Jim begins to smile.

"I was going to have to ask Ryan to replace you but he didn't shave his legs today." He says with a laugh as he looks in Ryan's direction. Ryan - as usual - looks like he wants to hide under his desk.

Jim gives Michael a confused look.

"For the skirt." Jim continues to stare at him as if not understanding. "The skirt Jim. Pam wears skirts - if Ryan was the receptionist he would have to wear a skirt…and since he's a man - he'd definitely need to shave - not that his legs aren't fantastic just the way they are…"

Jim bites his lip to keep from laughing as Michael goes on. "I saw them when we played basketball and they are just like the Mona Lisa's or is it Lisa Marie Presley? One or the other anyway…"

Jim gives him a blank look.

Michael finally gives up. "Glad you could make it today Pam. Good to see you back." He says as he walks back to his office.

Jim waits for her to settle in her seat before he slowly walks over, his smile widening with every step he takes. "So…" He says softly as he leans over the ledge.

"We're not doing this here." She whispers, not looking up at him.

He stands up straight, a bit confused. "Pam?"

Her voice shakes a bit as she pretends to be writing notes on the pad next to her. "We're not doing this here, or in the stairwell or in the anywhere on the premises, Jim. We're just not having this conversation right now."

She finally gazes up at him. "Do you understand what I'm saying?" She asks her gaze as serious as he's ever seen.

"Yeah…sure." He nods in reply. _This isn't good_ is his only thought.

"Good." She whispers as she rises from her seat and retreats to the ladies room, tears shining in her eyes.

He takes a few jellybeans, not even checking to see what flavor. He pops them in his mouth and tries to nonchalantly walk back to his seat.

_Two steps forward, five leaps back. _He sighs in frustration. _Where was the Pam who kissed him last week like her life depended on it? How could three days change everything?_

_How did you think three kisses could? __Face it Halpert. You knew this could happen. _

The whole exchange - of course - was closely observed by Dwight.

"Woman trouble Jim?" He whispers.

"Nope." He says blankly as he feigns checking his email.

He leans back in his chair and taps a pen on the edge of the desk. "Their species is peculiar. You need to approach them carefully." He lurches forward and brings his voice to a low murmur. "Question. Have you ever seen the award winning documentary on the wildebeest? It was on the Discovery Channel last weekend. Fascinating."

"I'm sure, Dwight." Jim couldn't be less in the mood to hear about African wildlife. "Must've missed it."

"You _should._ It's completely changed my sex life." Dwight says with an authoritative nod.

He visibly cringes at the image that puts in his mind. _Lucky Angela._ Jim shakes his head.

His eyes wander over to the door to the ladies room and he can't help but wonder.

_If we aren't going to talk here, where are we going to talk?_

xoxoxoxoxo

He gets his answer at lunchtime. They don't eat together but they cross paths in the break room.

"Could you drive out near Carbondale?" She whispers as she presses a note in his hand. "It's on my way home. I'm sorry about earlier but I just can't do this here."

The fact that she's passing him notes like it's high school leads him to comment. "Sure. I'll just cut 8th period."

She doesn't laugh. She doesn't smile. She simply looks up at him and he desperately tries to read the enotion on her face. But for the first time ever he just can't.

"Please?" She asks him then.

"Sure." He says softly. She tries to move past him and his hand catches her arm. She pulls away as if he's burned her. "Pam. Wait a second. Are you OK?"

"No." She shakes her head at him. "I'm not."

"OK." He reaches out to run a hand over her hair but she turns and walks away, leaving his fingers hovering aimlessly.

_Not good. Definitely not good._

xoxoxoxoxoxo

They leave twenty minutes apart. He follows the directions in her note and it leads him to a park on the outskirts of Scranton.

She's even drawn him a map on the back, and it's incredibly detailed and lifelike. He's awed again as he's reminded how talented she is.

He wants to make another joke - to call this clandestine meeting they're having _Threat Level: Dusk_ but he thinks, correctly, that it's not a time to joke.

He finds her sitting on a bench. Her head is down and she's kicking her feet idly. The dirt is making a little dust cloud and he says the first thing that comes to his mind.

"You're going to lose your distinction if you keep that up." He says softly.

Her head pops up at the sound of his voice. "Huh?"

"Those sneakers might never be white again." He smiles.

"Yeah." She smiles back because for a moment it seems normal again. But quickly, she averts her eyes from his.

He is looking for a clue, but he's having a hard time. He doesn't know if she wants him to sit beside her. He thinks he should know but he can't tell what's she's thinking.

"So." She picks at an invisible thread on her skirt. "I called off the wedding." She says matter-of-factly.

It's **_exactly_** what he wants to hear. His hopes soar briefly, but the way she looks, the way she sounds, he can't read her.

"That's…great."

_It's great. Right? You're calling off your engagement. It should be…great._

_Why doesn't it feel great?_

"I tried to at least..."She says with a sigh

Now he's even more confused. "What?"

She looks over at him and starts again. "Roy - he doesn't…really get it. Not completely. I want you to know. I didn't tell him. I didn't say anything about…you know - what happened with…us."

"Oh." The one syllable speaks volumes. Jim's heart climbs to his throat.

"That's…that's not the real problem anyway so…" Her voice sounds incredibly far away.

She kicks at the dirt again and shivers. "So. Yeah. It's not going to happen on the tenth though..."

His legs aren't going to hold him much longer. He sinks onto the bench beside her but carefully keeps his distance.

"OK." _At least that's something right?_

"I did a lot of thinking this weekend." She starts again. "And…" She takes a deep, steadying breath. "I've decided something. I decided that I c-can't just leave him and move on to you."

She finally said it and she thinks it should make her feel better.

But as she catches a glimpse of his face it does the complete opposite.

"Oh." Once again he's been robbed of his vocabulary. He can't think of any other response to that at the moment. His heart is too busy shattering in a million pieces.

She keeps speaking, trying to make him understand. "I wanted to thank you, mostly. You gave me a push, and I really needed it Jim. It was a long time coming. I used to think to myself all the time, _Roy just takes you for granted…is this really what you want?_ And then suddenly there you were. More and more often, you were saying those same things out loud. Sometimes you didn't even say it. You'd just look at me and I'd know what you were thinking. And it made me angry - because you don't know him and you really don't know me as well as you think you do..."

"I disagree." He says in complete protest. "I think I know you _pretty_ well."

"Jim." Her eyes lock with his and her gaze holds no warmth. "You're going to need to let me talk."

He bites his bottom lip and tilts his head at her, urging her to continue, even though he's pretty sure he's not going to like what she says.

She tears her eyes from his and stares at her lap as she goes on. "You know a lot of things about me. Like what yogurt I eat and that I love to draw and that I don't eat the crusts on my grilled cheese sandwiches. And we have a million things in common you and me. You make my life bearable; I know I'd die if I couldn't see you every day."

She means all these things, even if to him it feels like he's gotten the world's crappiest consolation prize. _Hey Halpert, be thankful for small blessings. At least she hasn't said, "I love you..like a friend."_

He begins to focus on her words again. "You're amazing - you really are. But the thing is -you only know who I am now. You have absolutely **_no idea_** who I used to be."

He can feel it coming, almost...smell it in the air. He can sense what's next and he's standing there paralyzed, just waiting for the axe to fall.

And it does, blessedly quickly, but not quite quick enough to dull the pain.

Pam picks her head up again and whispers. "_He_ does."

She wipes at her eyes, the tears falling because she doesn't know, not really, if she's making the right decision. She finds it hard to keep talking because her breath is becoming more and more labored. _This is so hard._ She thinks. _This is harder than anything else in the world._

"I'm not saying he's right for me. I'm not sure that he is. But..." She stands up and hugs her arms around her. She can't look at him when she says this next. "Right now I'm not sure that you are either."

She can hear him suck in his breath and she knows she's hurting him. She knows and her heart breaks but she has to keep going, she has to try to make him understand. "I don't know who I am anymore, Jim. I don't know where _I _went. I stopped paying attention at some point so I'm as much to blame as he is…"

She takes another deep breath and stands on shaky legs her eyes meeting his. "I know we can't go back to the way things were. And after what's happened between us…" She's getting that feeling again, the one she gets when he looks at her a certain way and she has to fight the urge to just throw herself at him

_Just do it, Pam. You know he loves you. It would be so, so easy._

"I'm not even sure that I want to. Maybe…" Weakening again she almost says, _Maybe I really could love you_.

But it's too soon and she can't let herself finish. She's not strong enough yet. She inhales deeply and keeps to her original plan. "The only thing I'm really sure of is that I need some…time."

_Time._ He thinks desperately. _Pam c'mon. We've wasted so much already._

He shoves his hands in his pockets and hunches his shoulders. He clears his throat and tries to find his voice. It comes out strained and scratchy. "So. Um…what do we do now?"

"I don't know." This whole thing has taken so much out of her that she almost wants to laugh. She sighs as she looks over at him. "Got any ideas?"

He hears the change in her voice. She sounds almost…normal. He raises his eyes and looks at her. "Parcheesi?" He suggests with a half smile.

Her eyes squint a bit and she smiles back at him. "Does anyone actually **_play_** Parcheesi?"

"What?" He looks at her, shocked. "Are you serious? I'll have you know I'm in a league."

"A Parcheesi league." She gives him a look and bites her bottom lip to hold back her laughter.

"Yes. It's **_very_** competitive." He deadpans. "I'll have you know I'm a purple belt."

"Interesting. I did not know they awarded "belts" for board games." She says thoughtfully. "You better not tell Dwight."

He twists his mouth in disgust. "That's nothing. I'm a black belt in Connect Four."

She can't believe how much better she feels. Joking with him now, she almost believes it will all be OK again…someday. She bends at the waist and says reverently. "I bow in the presence of greatness."

And with that she finally laughs.

The sound is absolute music to his ears. It's a sound he craves on a daily basis and he's reminded, right at that moment, how much he's missed it.

The moment passes as quickly as it comes. They fall silent and in minutes it's once again awkward.

"It was getting really serious there for a while huh?" He says, trying to lighten the mood again.

"It is serious, Jim." She says quietly. "I just…"

He holds up his hand to stop her, simply wanting to remember her laughter. He's got the picture. He doesn't need to hear it again. "I know."

He takes a look around them and sees that the sun has almost set. "You better get going. You have a long ride ahead of you."

"Yeah." She sighs as she starts walking towards the parking lot. He waits for her to get a few steps ahead and follows behind.

His hands are back in his pockets, his fingers touching on the note she'd given him. He knows, without even really thinking about it, he's going to save it forever.

She stands there and looks up at him, unshed tears shining in her eyes. She doesn't know why she does it; it just feels like the right thing to do. She steps closer to him and rests her head on his chest, breathing in his scent, her hands clutching his forearms. She stays there a long moment before rocking back on her heels.

She's moved away before he can react. She quickly turns and slips into her car. He shuts the door and crouches down to whisper. "Be careful. Drive safe."

She nods and she's suddenly blinking back tears again. "I will. 'Night Jim. See you tomorrow."

He steps back as she starts the ignition and then watches as her taillights disappear.

"Yeah." He shakes his head and makes his way to his own car as he whispers. "Tomorrow."


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N: Trust me. I'm torturing myself as much as all of you. I'm desperate to just fast forward to happily ever after._

_But my fingers (and my overactive imagination) won't let me._

_Good news is...it's all uphill from here. I PROMISE._

**Chapter Seven**

He stares at the duffle bag on his bed. It's still half empty. The thought fills his mind that it's nearly big enough to fit an actual person.

_Maybe I could trick her into climbing in. _He thinks to himself, the ridiculous image making him laugh out loud. _Of course, I'd carry her on._

But he knows she's not coming with him. What _she_ doesn't know is that he's not coming back.

He's thought a lot himself in the last few weeks and he's decided he can't do it anymore. He can't sit at his desk and be that close to her without…touching her. He used to be able to do it. He used to have the willpower, or maybe it was just the decency, to keep his distance. But he's had a taste of what he'd been missing, literally, and it's too late to go back to the way things were.

Stamford. Scranton. Pretty much interchangeable anyway. Just one of them was Pam-less.

And right now, maybe that was what he needed.

He stands there and wonders if he's destined to only live in towns that start with the letter "S". _I mean, you're even running away to Sydney._

It's something to think about.

Jim moves to his desk and pulls open a drawer carefully taking out a photograph he's kept there for years. It's a picture of Pam, caught in an incredibly candid moment. Her eyes are closed and her head is thrown back and she's laughing. He doesn't even remember who took it - or how he got a copy. He just knows it's a picture that is perfectly _her_.

He runs his finger over her image and then carefully places it in the zippered pocket of his bag. That's the only way he knows he can truly take her with him. He stands there for a moment and sighs, suddenly startled by the sound of the doorbell.

He makes his way down the stairs and takes a deep breath before he opens the door. And there she is - in person.

"Pam." He blinks at her. _What are you doing here? Going to beg me to stay? Cause I will. In a second. Just say the word._

She hasn't slept all night. She kept dreaming of kangaroos and koala bears. Of Jim, dressed as a kangaroo, hopping off into the sunset. It was bizarre and at the same time incredibly comical. She woke up laughing and got in her car and drove straight here.

She wants to tell him about her dream but instead she hears herself say. "Hi. I'm glad I caught you. I umm…brought you a going away present."

"You didn't have to do that." He whispers.

"I wanted to." She says as she holds it out to him.

He takes the CD case from her hands, flipping it over and grinning widely. "Nice. Olivia Newton-John's Greatest Hits Volume II." He reads the list of songs on the back. "This is great. I've completely worn out my copy of Volume I."

"I figured. You know - it even has Xanadu." She smiles back at him.

"It better." He laughs then, even though there's an ache spreading through his chest. _You really think you can walk away from her? I don't think you're as tough as you say._

_Tell her where you're really going. Tell her you're leaving…for good. See what she says._

"So." She looks up at him, wishing desperately that it wasn't so damn awkward to be with him now. She craves the simplicity there used to be when they just stood there and talked.

At the same time, she found it hard lately not to stare at his mouth when he spoke, remembering the way it felt against hers.

Pam shakes the thought from her head. _Time alone. **Time.** **Alone**. You needed time alone, remember?  
_

"So." He replied.

"Got enough books? Magazines? It's a _really_ long flight." She asks him then. _God. Time is running out Pam. Say something that matters. You sound like a blabbering idiot._

_Please, Pam. Ask me something else. Ask me to stay. Ask me…_ "I think I'm all set. Do you think Britney's really making K-Fed live in the basement? I've got four magazines that say all signs point to yes."

She sighs and thinks about it a minute before she answers. "Yes. But I'm pretty she lets him keep his new girlfriend down there too."

Jim solemnly nods. "That's generous of her."

"Incredibly." She smiles. She tears her gaze from his and stares at the floor. "I'm going to miss you." She finally whispers. "I already do."

Truer words were never spoken. He feels exactly the same way. "I'll miss you too."

"I can't wait to hear all about it when you get back." She says then.

There it was. He looked at her and thought about just not saying anything but she didn't deserve that. She deserved more. She deserved…everything.

"Yeah. About that. Listen Pam…" He blew out a breath. "I'm - uh…I actually got an offer to transfer."

It is the very last thing she expects to hear.

"Transfer?" Her voice is confused.

"To umm…Stamford." He says, not meeting her eyes.

"Oh." She feels like the wind was knocked out of her. "How long have you known this?"

_It should be easier. It shouldn't hurt so much._ "It's what I actually meant to tell you that…night. That Jan offered me a transfer. But you were standing there and you looked so…" He closes his eyes and basks in the memory for a second. "I just thought I'd take a chance and…" He trails off. There's no need to keep rehashing it.

He trips over his words a bit. Just looking at her face makes him tongue tied. "So. Now that - I mean - I know you said you needed time so I thought that it might make it better for you if I…"

"What?" She stares up at him, refusing to believe. _What are you doing? You said if I did called off the wedding that you'd still be here. You said…_

He wants to say something else but he keeps going. "…got out of the picture. For - you know - a while."

"Right." Her voice is clipped and she hugs her arms around herself. _He always wants to make things better for you. Always. Why are you so surprised?_

He can tell that she wants him to be the one to say something but in his mind, he's already said it all. She knows how he feels. She _knows_. Saying it again won't do anything but make the crack in his heart grow wider.

_Say the word, Pam. _He silently pleads. _Say it and I'll stay. _

But - unfortunately for both of them - she doesn't.

xoxoxoxoxo

She doesn't remember leaving his house. She doesn't remember most of what happened that day at work. All she knows is now she's sitting at her favorite restaurant.

Across from Roy.

He's been trying so hard. She can tell it's been really tough on him. The constant ribbing he's getting from the guys for being "left at the altar", living in their house all alone.

He's wearing a shirt she'd always liked. The color brings out his eyes. She can faintly smell his cologne and it's all so achingly familiar.

And even as she looks at him with obvious affection all she can think is…_Jim_.

_Jim's gone. Jim's gone…he's GONE._

_For good._

She wants it to be simple, which is why she's here with Roy now. Because it's…simple …being with him. What you see is exactly what you get.

Jim - on the other hand - is complicated. He _complicates_ things. He does nothing but make her think.

Finally Roy's voice breaks through her Jim induced haze.

"So. Stevie and Donovan…they finally started that contracting business."

She looks down at her salad and takes a bite. "That's great." She says as she chews and swallows.

He takes a sip of water, his mouth suddenly dry. "I might - you know - help them out on the weekend. Extra cash never hurts."

"Nope. Certainly not." She says with a small smile.

"That a new sweater?" He says quietly. "It's…nice. It's real pretty…"

"Huh?" She looks down at what she's wearing. It's not new. She's actually had this top for years. But he's making such an effort she smiles back at him. "Yes. It is. Thank you."

She looks back down at her plate and she's suddenly incredibly sad. Because she can feel it and she knows the truth. It's gone. What she had with him before…it's not there now. She can't pinpoint exactly when it disappeared but she knows now it's vanished. She's not sixteen. They're not in high school. It's not what it was anymore.

And she misses what they used to have, even as he sits there across from her. But she knows, deep in her heart, that they won't ever be able to get it back. Too much has happened, too much has still stayed the same. Too much…

"You're such a good guy, Roy." She says softly.

He blushes a bit and nervously plays with his knife. "Thanks."

"You'll make someone really happy someday. I know it." She says then.

His heart falls to his stomach. He straightens up in his chair and stares at her. "Can't I make you happy?"

"You did." She looks into his eyes and her heart breaks again. "You really did but…"

"Not anymore." He looks around the room, hoping to hell there's no one around to witness this. "I get it."

"I'm sorry." She whispers.

"It's fine." But she can tell by his voice that it's far from it.

She fights to explain it to him. "I really am. We just…grew apart."

"No." He shakes his head at her. "That's not it. I never went anywhere."

"You're right." She says quietly. "It was me. I grew away from you."

He sits there in silence, his appetite ruined.

"I'm sorry." She says again. And she really is. She's so incredibly sorry.

"It's fine." He repeats, his voice tinged with anger now. He pushes back his chair and walks over to the waiter to get the check.

Pam puts down her fork and reaches for her purse. She finds herself fumbling for a tissue at the same time as she's willing herself not to cry.

_How did this happen? How did she get here? Where did it all go so wrong?_

She knows she told them both she wanted to be left alone.

She just never imagined that they'd both actually listen to her.


	8. Chapter 8

_A/N: OK - so. I don't have a blog - or a myspace account - so youall are going to have to hear my random musings this way. Sorry if it's not what you signed up for. ;)_

_I think I've mentioned that I've been on the road for 2 wks - holed up in a hotel room each night (hence the frequent updates). I was finally on my way home last night when my flight was cancelled. _

_TOTALLY sucks to be me. The upside for you - during the extra hours I was stuck at the airport - I got a whole new vision for this story. __Don't know how it happens but it does. My stories tend to take on lives of their own. __And so - it seems this one is going to be longer than I intended._

_I basically just reminded myself that the name of the story is **Beginnings**. So…let's begin :)_

**Chapter Eight**

She got the first postcard one day after he left. It was postmarked Philadelphia and it was a picture of two Amish farmers that looks suspiciously like Dwight and his cousin.

When she looked closer - she realized that was exactly what it was. How he'd done it - she'd never know. Scribbled on the back were the words..."_Pleased to beet you_."

And it was almost like he was still there.

_Almost._

On the day that was supposed to be her "wedding" she took a little drive. She had no real plan but it was no surprise to her that she ended up in a town about two hours away. She was pleased to find that Stamford was big enough to feel exciting and new and small enough to feel like home.

And as she sat in a small café there, idly doodling on the paper table cloth she started to make plans of her own.

The second card came four days after that. It was of the Great Barrier Reef. The message read…"_Looks nice - right? Yeah. It's 42 degrees here today. I'm a total jackass_."

A third and fourth told of all the people he'd met, all the places he'd seen and that he'd seemed to be enjoying himself, as much as possible.

There were four more postcards that each came one day apart, each one of a different location. One word was written on the back of each.

_Wish_

_You_

_Were _

_Here_

And as she tucked the last postcard in the frame of the mirror over her dresser, she knew what she had to do.

Five minutes later she called Mark and found out when his flight was returning and on that day her car makes its way to the airport as if it has a mind of its own. She gets there in plenty of time to nervously pace the international arrivals terminal, waiting for him to arrive.

Beyond exhausted and with not many more answers than he'd had when he left Jim shifts the bag on his shoulder and sighs. It seemed heavier now, and he thought again about the frivolous, not to mention insanely expensive, purchase he'd made, still half hoping he'd actually have the chance to give it to her someday. It didn't seem likely. Now that he'd taken the transfer he had just two days to pack up what was left of his life and move on.

It was surreal. He kept hoping for a sign but it seemed he wouldn't get one. It was time to move on, he guessed. He was contemplating exactly what that would mean when he saw her.

He blinks in surprise. She…looked…amazing. She was wearing a sundress, something simple but much different than her usual office attire. She wore a pair of pretty little sandals that were clicking against the tile as she paced back and forth. Her hand seems to be attached to her mouth as she picks at the cuticle on her thumb with her teeth.

He's never been happier to see anyone in his life.

Pam's back is to him and he takes a deep breath, deciding how he wanted to play this. Since she was the one obviously here to surprise him he decides a surprise of her own was in order.

Slowly and quietly and a thousand times more calmly than he actually feels, he makes his way over to her, coming to a stop beside her. He drops his bag to the ground with a soft thud and stands there, his gaze focused in the same direction as hers, towards the arrivals gates.

"You come here often?" He whispers, unable to keep the smile from crossing his face.

Her back stiffens at the sound of his voice. How could she have missed him? She'd been staring at the gates for over an hour. She waits a beat and doesn't turn to look at him before she nods "Every Saturday."

"Hmmm. No luggage?" He asks curiously.

"I like to travel light." She replies, smiling herself, still staring straight ahead.

"So. Are you here for business or pleasure?" He chuckles.

"Business is pleasure." She finally turns to face him - a huge grin blooming over her face.

He looks at her blankly and she gives him a look as if to tell him it should be obvious. "_Small Businessman Magazine_. Do you subscribe?"

"I used to. I think I've let it lapse." He gazes down at her adoringly.

She shakes her head in mock disgust. "Pity. You'll never get ahead with that kind of attitude."

They stand there for a half a minute, neither one of them saying a word. Until, finally, he whispers. "Hi."

"Hi." She whispers back, wringing her hands a bit. "Welcome home."

"Thanks." He doesn't bother to censor himself as he says. "You look incredible."

"Thanks." She blushes a deep shade of pink, giddy at the sound of his compliment.

"What are you doing here?" He hears himself ask, even though the answer was quite apparent.

"Um, Jim? I'm obviously trolling for tourists." She shakes her head at him.

"Of course." He laughs loudly. "Find anyone interesting?"

"Pickings are slim today." She sighs as she tilts her face up to his. "I'm about to give up and head out. Need a ride?"

He can see she's not ready to give him answers so he bends down to pick up his bag as he replies. "Sure."

xoxoxoxoxo

They ride to his house in silence. He's still waiting for her to tell him what exactly is going on here. Last thing he heard, she wanted to be alone.

She's said it loud and clear in countless ways and it had gotten to the point that he was only hurting himself by ignoring her.

_Hurry up Pam. Say something. He's obviously not going to._ "Is it really as beautiful as those postcards? Did you have a good time?" She finally manages as they roll to a stop in front of his house.

"It's amazing." _You're amazing_. The scent she is wearing is making it difficult for him to focus on her question. "And it was fun…well. As fun as it can be travelling a continent alone."

She nods at him and sits there in the driver's seat, staring straight ahead.

He finally can't take another minute. "Pam?" He says softly.

"Hmmm?" She turns to face him, nibbling on her bottom lip anxiously.

"Mind telling me what's going on?" He averts his eyes from hers. "I mean. It's not that I'm not glad to see you. Trust me. I am. It was nice to have someone waiting for me when I got home - especially you - but I don't really get what's going on." He looks at her hopefully. "Help me out here."

She had practiced this part in her mind a million times. She'd imagined saying it a million different ways. _I'm sorry. I made a mistake. I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you too. I don't want you to leave, not without me._ Still she's surprised at what actually comes out of her mouth.

"I want a do-over." She says almost too low for him to hear.

And he doesn't really hear her - at least he's not sure he's heard her correctly. "Excuse me?"

She looks at him exasperatedly. "A do-over. You know - like when you were little and playing a game - how if the dice fall off the side of the board and you get to roll again because the first time doesn't really count?"

He can't help chuckling at her. His laugh comes in a low rumble and his eyes begin to sparkle. _She is perfect_, is all he can think.

"I'm familiar with the term, Beesly."

She sighs with relief. "So you know what I'm saying then. We really screwed this up. We did the whole thing ass-backwards."

"Nice mouth." He gives her a scolding look. _It is a nice mouth though._ He thinks to himself, remembering the way it felt pressed against his. _A **really** nice mouth._

He's roused from his thoughts when he hears her still talking.

"It was a lot to deal with Jim. One morning we're friends playing office pranks and that same night we're making out at your desk and having these intense conversations about how we feel about each other. Three days later it's all about how I feel about Roy and that I need to make a choice and it was way too much. Nothing was easy - it was all so complicated." She looks at him and sighs. "You need to understand. It totally freaked me out."

He looks at her and oddly enough for the first time sees this whole thing from her perspective. And he's incredibly ashamed of himself. Of course that would freak her out. It was freaking him out just by listening to her say it out loud.

"You're right." He whispers and stares at his lap. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. I just…" She takes a deep breath. "Can we try it again? Like…maybe take it a little slower?"

"Let me make sure I'm getting this. You're saying the zero to sixty 'I'm in love with you' was a tad too fast?"

"Pretty much." She laughs, beyond relieved that he understands.

"You're saying you want me to woo you?" He continues with a lopsided grin.

Her eyes widen with horror and a sick shiver runs up her spine. She throws up her hands and shakes them to try and rid herself of the feeling. "Oh my God. NO. That is just like something Dwight would say."

"I take it back." He says desperately.

"You better." She twists her mouth like she's tasted something awful. At the same time she's attacked with a fit of giggles.

"I take it back." He says again, laughing uncontrollably now.

When she finally catches her breath she looks over at him again. "You better start packing." She says softly. "You need to be in Stamford by Monday."

He's completely confused. _Didn't she just say she wanted to start over? What the hell is she doing?_ "Wait - what? Pam? What are you saying? You honestly don't expect me to leave now."

"I absolutely do." She nudges his arm and motions for him to get out of the car. "It's a do-over. We kinda need to start from scratch." She smiles wider. "Well." She leans forward and gives him an incredibly quick kiss, and even though it's only about a split second long her face is flushing crimson as she pulls away. "Almost from scratch. C'mon. Get going."

"Pam…" He can't be more confused as he gets out of the car. Standing on the sidewalk, he reaches into the backseat for his luggage.

"Trust me Jim." She says with a wink, a thousand times more confidently than she feels.

As he watches her drive off he stares after her car, still completely perplexed. This is all new to him. She's obviously planned something and he feels completely in the dark.

He has no idea what's come over her but he can't say he doesn't like it.

One thing he knows for sure. Do-overs are few and far between as you get older. He smiles as he grabs his bag and makes his way into the house. Jim thinks of her words and appreciates that chances like this are rare. He'll be damned if he doesn't take this one.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

"Candlelight. Nice touch." Pam giggles as she moves to sit in the chair Jim has pulled out for her.

He regards the tiny votive candle on the scarred wooden table of the dark but cozy pub they're in. "Of course there's candlelight. I just want to make sure you get the full 'Jim Halpert Experience'." He says as he takes a seat across from her.

She blanches a bit as she stares at him. "Please don't ever say that again." She says as if she's completely disgusted.

He realizes how cheesy that just sounded and starts to laugh. "OK."

"I mean…NEVER." She keeps her gaze even as she smiles back at him.

They are tucked in the corner of a real locals place, not far where Pam's parents live. A snarly waitress comes over to greet them but in seconds Jim charms her enough to elicit a smile. Pam sits back in her chair, impressed but not at all surprised. She wonders how much trouble he's been able to wiggle out of just by giving someone that smile.

_Stop staring at his mouth Pam. You told him you wanted this to go slow. That was just yesterday - might I remind you. _

"So is this the kind of date you'd have taken me on in Scranton?" Pam asks as she picks at the label on the neck of her beer bottle.

She looks amazing…honestly. He wonders if it's just because she's with him now or if there's been a huge change in her since she'd called off the wedding. She seems livelier, less uptight. And if she decides to keep adding to this new wardrobe she's been sporting lately he will not complain.

Years of stuffy button down shirts and sweaters and suddenly she's wearing floral print dresses in soft cotton. His hands itch to reach out and touch the strap of her dress, to see if it's as soft as her shoulder.

Finally focusing on her question, he looks around the bar and says with a smile. "Yeah. Pretty much."

They had stared out with a movie. As they sat in the dark together it was so natural, like they'd been with each other for years. Their hands brushed each time they'd go to take a handful of popcorn. His arm felt perfectly at home resting across the back of her chair and she sighed as she laid her head on his shoulder halfway through.

It was the single best first date of her life.

And even though this was technically only the second first date she'd ever had, she was pretty sure that it would never be matched.

"Thank you for coming all the way out here. You have so far to drive tomorrow and I know you're probably still exhausted from your trip." She said then, looking over at him apologetically.

_Are you kidding? I'd have travelled cross country for this_. "It's not a problem. It was nice to see your mom again."

"She adores you." Pam said with a smile. It leaves her face as she sighs heavily. "The jury's still out on my dad though. He and Roy got along really well."

"It's OK." Jim shrugs.

She opens her mouth to apologize again and he reaches for her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. "It's OK." He repeats.

"So what time are you leaving tomorrow? Are you all packed?" She asks as she pulls her hand from his and moves to take a sip of her beer.

She visibly relaxes and smiles as the waitress puts a plate down in front of her. They begin to eat in silence when finally Jim says softly. "Pam. We need to talk about that. I'm not at all interested in leaving you any time soon."

"It's better this way." She protests.

"For who?" Jim replies. He hadn't meant to bring if up like this but it was the one thing weighing most heavily on his mind. "Being two hours away from you is torture enough. If I go to Stamford it'll be close to five."

"It's OK. It won't be for long." Her eyes sparkle as she tells him. "I got a new apartment."

He so surprised, he nearly chokes as he swallows. "You did?"

"I did." She grins widely. "And it's all mine." She adds proudly. "I move in about three weeks from now. So the drive will be a lot easier once that happens."

_Three weeks. Three weeks. A lot can change in three weeks._

He grins back at her. This is something he never thought he'd see. Slightly courageous, independent Pam. He loved that she was taking chances, taking one with him in particular. If she was willing to move out on her own - who was he to chicken out on a chance for something better himself?

As he's thinking all this her foot collides with his under the table. He's not sure if she's done it on purpose so he pretends it didn't happen.

He watches her closely and he observes, not for the first time, that she eats so slowly. She cuts little pieces and takes tiny bites. Her fingers are so delicate…

He gets so caught up in watching her he doesn't take a bite of his own dinner for a good five minutes.

Finally she realizes he's been staring at her. "What?" She says softly.

"Nothing." He says with a shrug.

"Don't give me nothing. You're staring at me." She replies.

"So?"

"So. It's making me self conscious and your dinner is getting cold." She says as she puts down her fork.

_It can get cold. I don't care. I'm sitting across a table from you and you're not wearing Roy's ring. I've dreamed of this. Do you have any idea how long I've dreamed of this?_

He thinks all these things but what he says, with a face full of innocence is, "What?"

"I'm not taking another bite until you do." She says defiantly.

Jim shakes his head at her and deliberately spears a fry with his fork bringing it to his mouth and chewing slowly.

She mimics him and does the same.

For the next few minutes they continue eating exactly that way until finally Pam bursts into laughter. She's too full to eat another bite and Jim has finished his own dinner and is now starting to take food off of her plate.

"Oh my God. You'd have done that until you'd eaten everything wouldn't you?"

He lifts his beer and takes a long sip. "Here's something you should learn and learn well. Never challenge me Beesly. You'll lose. Every time."

"I beg to differ. I'm scrappy. I can give you a run for your money." Pam narrows her eyes at him. "As a matter of fact - I believe - when I challenged you to poker - I was victorious."

The same thoughts fill both their heads. _Poker...bluffing...I'm in love with you...I can't...office...kissing._

Will they ever be able to talk of card games again without the scenes of that night flying through their minds?

He tries to reply, but her foot brushes against his leg again and he's distracted. And this time he's decided he needs to say something.

Jim shifts his chair so he's now sitting beside her. "Excuse me." He leans close and whispers in her ear. "I need to ask you a question. Are you playing footsie with me?"

"Not intentionally." Pam smiles back at him. "It's actually your fault."

"My fault?" He doesn't see how it could be.

"Well. You're very tall." She says simply, biting back a laugh.

"True." He nods in acknowledgement.

She scrunches her nose at him. "Almost…freakishly so." She can see he can't believe she's said such a thing. She places a hand on his arm, her voice full of sympathy. "Oh, Jim - I'm sorry. Is that the first time someone's cared enough to tell you?"

He blinks in surprise. "_That_ - is the first time someone has called me freakishly anything…let alone tall."

"All this time - and they've kept this from you." She sighs and gives him a smile. "If your friends won't tell you the truth, Jim - are they really your friends?"

"I guess I'm lucky I've got a friend like you." He says softly, his eyes locking with hers.

When he looks at her that way she can feel it to the soles of her feet. Her skin flushes and she hopes he can't see it in the candlelight.

"I guess so." She finally manages.

They sit there for another half hour, alternatively laughing and teasing each other, huddled over coffee and tea.

Neither one of them wants to admit that he's leaving tomorrow.

Jim tries to stifle a yawn, the jet lag finally catching up to him. He doesn't want to go. He keeps trying to figure out a way to tell her he's simply not going to.

"Are you sure you'll be okay to drive?" She asks her voice full of concern.

_I'll be thinking of you. I'll be thinking of this. It'll be plenty enough to keep me awake. _

Yeah. I'm sure." He says as he takes her hand in his and leads her from the table and towards the door.

She can already feel him driving off, even as she sits in the car with him.

_Three weeks, Pam. Three weeks. It'll all be better in three weeks._

He walks her to the door and it feels like a scene from the movie they'd just watched. She stands there gazing up at him waiting patiently for what comes at the end of a great first date like this one.

"I had a great time, Jim. Thank you." She whispers.

He can read her mind and though it pains him he smiles and says, "My pleasure."

She keeps staring at him. Involuntarily, her tongue darts out and she wets her lips and he's dying…simply dying. He's sure of it.

He takes a step closer, his arm circling her waist and she sways into him, her hands running up his chest and coming to rest on his shoulders.

"There's something else you should know about me, Beesly." He says softly as he brings his lips a breath away from hers.

"Um…right. Sure…whatever." She begins to babble as her fingers clutch the fabric of his shirt.

He shifts slightly and presses a kiss to her forehead. "I don't put out on the first date." He murmurs against her skin.

He laughs and lets her go, shoving his hands in his pockets and hopping down the steps of the porch.

"_Jim…_" She nearly groans as she watches him walk off.

"I've got a long drive ahead of me." He calls out over his shoulder. "I've got to get going."

"Jim…" She stares after him, her voice and her eyes pleading.

"Tough. You said you wanted slow. That's what you're getting." He says still laughing loudly as he climbs into his car and drives off.

She stands there in shock for a few long minutes, unable to believe that he's not going to come back.

When she finally realizes he's gone she makes her way inside, leaning her back against the door as it closes with a click.

_Three weeks,_ is all she can think.


	10. Chapter 10

_A/N: This is simply a mere bump in the road, my darling Jammers. A teensy, tiny, bump in the road. _

_Trust me? _

_You should. I'm very trustable. ;) _

**Chapter Ten **

"'unda Ifthlin s'Pam." She says with a huge yawn.

"Keeping you up Beesly?" A voice on the other end chuckles.

She's beyond relieved it was only Jim calling. _God that would have been embarrassing. _

"Yes. It's your fault." She says with a pout. He'd called her last night and they'd stayed on the phone for hours. As a result, she'd gotten nearly no sleep but she wouldn't have missed it for the world.

She remembers their conversation vividly as she twists the phone cord in her fingers. She smiles widely as she whispers. "Hi."

"Hi." He replies and she can tell in the way that he says it he's smiling. She gazes over at his empty desk and wonders again why the hell she told him to move to Stamford.

_You know why. Two more weeks, Pam. Two more weeks. _

He's thinking of the words she spoke last night. The flirty banter that went on way after they should have been sleeping. He knows if they venture down that road again today he won't get a minute of work done.

Since he misses it, more than he cares to admit, he decides to talk about something else entirely.

"Tell me. What's going on there? Give me the play by play." He says as he leans back in his chair and clasps his hands behind his head.

She dutifully obliges. "OK. So. Dwight has now volunteered to be an EMT." She whispered. "You know how he's been dying to get into another uniform."

"NO." Jim laughs at the image of Dwight arriving on the scene of any emergency. _As if car accidents and fires weren't horrific enough… _

She bites back a laugh. "YES. And all morning he's looking for someone to practice CPR on…"

"Please no…" He shivers.

"YES. So I told him I think I have incurable gingivitis and that I wouldn't want to spread it to him."

His stomach turns at the image she just put in his mind. "OK. You have _no idea_ how the thought of Dwight making out with you before I get another chance to is creeping me out."

Pam cringes and squirms in her chair. "Oh GOD. I didn't even think of it that way."

He has zero remorse. He's still nauseous at the idea of Dwight's mouth anywhere near hers. "Yeah well. Now you're as miserable as me."

And now she's done it. All he can think about is kissing her. His face breaks into a huge grin and his voice lowers to a husky whisper. "So. Tell me something. Do you really have incurable gingivitis? Because, we never discussed this…"

She blushes and she's about to reply to him when the door swings open. The smile leaves her face as she sees who's coming in.

"I've got to go…" She says quickly.

Immediately, he can tell there's something wrong. It's obvious in the way her voice has become almost lifeless.

"Pam?"

"I'll call you later." She whispers as she hangs up the phone.

And suddenly, all he hears is silence. He stares at the receiver, worried.

Pam shakes back her hair and makes her eyes meet Roy's.

"Hey." She says softly.

"Hey." He shifts the box he's carrying in his arms. "I found some more of your stuff…"

"Thanks." She takes it from him gratefully.

He looks down at her and tries again to find the words that might make her change her mind. Instead he finds himself saying, "I would have waited till later but I know you leave right at five now with the drive and all…"

She knows how hard it is for him, to come up here like that. To let everyone see how over it really is. She gives him a small smile. "Thank you. I appreciate that."

He glances over at Jim's desk and then looks back at her. "So Halpert really checked out of here huh?"

She averts her eyes from his and looks down at her keyboard. "Yeah. He..umm…transferred. To Connecticut. It's a great opportunity for him..."

He knows her so well that he picks up on something in the way she answers his question. And he can't believe he's been so blind. The guys had ribbed him for years but he never paid attention. He never really believed it could be true.

His voice becomes dangerously quiet. "You left me for him."

She opens her mouth to answer but no sound comes out. Her eyes finally meet his and he can see that he's right.

"Don't do this, Roy. Please." She begs him, in a hushed whisper. "Not here."

"You left me? For HIM?" He says, his voice rising.

"Don't." She says again.

"The pathetic thing is - he's not even here anymore and it still doesn't matter." He shakes his head at her.

" Roy…" She can't believe that this is happening. She should have known better. Everything was going so well.

"You could have just told me." Roy is shaking with anger as he moves to the door. "Ten years Pam."

She visibly jumps in her seat as it slams behind him.

Pam sits there a few long moments, willing herself not to cry as the phone rings off the hook. She punches the code for automatic voicemail and pushes back from the desk, running off to the ladies room.

The whole office is silent as they watch her disappear behind the door. Kelly giggles and whispers "Omigod" as Phyllis simply sits and smiles knowingly.

Michael sits at his desk and smiles widely for the camera. "People think the paper biz is without drama – but I like to think we here at Dunder-Mifflin tear at those stereotypes and rip them to shreds."

He can't be more proud of his metaphor when he adds. "Like sands through the hourglass…those are the Days of the Young and the Restless."

xoxoxoxoxoxo

It was awful. There was no other way to explain it.

Unable to leave things the way they were, Pam met him after work and the conversation went on…and on and on. And no matter how Pam tried to persuade him, Roy was convinced she'd been cheating on him all along.

And in the end, she just wound up crying, because what else can you do when someone believes the worst of you?

She drives home, tears blurring her vision for most of the drive and she couldn't believe the sight waiting for her when she drove up to her parents' house.

Jim was right there, sitting on the steps of the porch, waiting for her.

She puts her car in park and then as fast as she can manage she runs straight to him.

"Hey." He whispers as he catches her in his arms.

"What are you doing here?" She sobs into his shoulder.

"I heard what happened." He says with a shrug. "First Phyllis emailed me." He chuckled in spite of it all. "She's very happy for us by the way…" He held her closer as he went on. "Then – I talked to your Mom. Then – I took a half day - got in my car and drove straight here." He presses a kiss to her temple. "Now that you have the whole story - how you doing?"

"Awful. Terrible. You have absolutely no idea." She sniffles as she inches closer. Sighing she leans back and moves to sit beside him. "You drove here? Don't you have to work tomorrow? You are crazy."

_I'm crazy alright. Crazy about you._ "It's nothing." He says simply.

"It's not nothing."Pam replies,her tears finally slowing. She places a hand on his arm and gently rubs it back and forth. She slides her hand down and links her fingers with his. She feels warm from her head to her toes as she gazes over at him, still not able to believe he's really here.

She rests her head on his shoulder and sighs. "He's so angry with me. And I just…" She pulls her hand from his and involuntarily her finger moves to fiddle with her ring – which she keeps forgetting isn't there anymore.

Jim notices and his heart aches a little. _You thought it was all behind you didn't you? Why did you think it was going to be easy? _

_Is it cheating? _Pam thinks, unable to get Roy's words off her mind. _If we didn't really do anything is it still cheating? Is that what I am? Am I a cheater? _

He simply sits there and waits for her to finish her thought but it doesn't seem like she will.

As the words come out of his mouth he's already kicking himself. "You still care about what he thinks, huh?"

It was an incredibly stupid thing to say. She looks at him, eyes wide. "Of course."

"Of course." He says bitterly.

She regards him closely, completely shocked at his reaction. "Are you mad at me?"

"No." He says with a shake of his head.

She can hear it in his voice. He says he's not mad but it certainly doesn't sound like it.

Pam sits up straight and continues to stare at him. "You really don't like him."

"Not true." He bites his lip to keep from saying what he really wants to say. "I just don't like what he does to you."

"No. You don't like him." She counters.

He can see she's not going to let this go. So he decides to just put it out there. It's true anyway. "OK. I don't like him."

"You don't even know him." She says defensively.

She's driving him crazy. This was supposed to go a whole other way. She'd cry on his shoulder and realize how much better things were now. He'd take her somewhere for dinner and finally kiss her goodnight, because he'd be damned that if even as he's annoyed with her he didn't want to kiss her right this second.

As a matter of fact, that's what he envisioned when he drove down here. But it's not how it's playing out now. Instead he's angry for, what seems even to him, no real reason except for the fact that she's still not all his, not completely, not yet.

He can't keep himself from replying. He moves to stand and steps a few feet away from her. "OK. You got me there. I don't know him. But what I do know, I don't like."

"You never even gave him a chance." She whispers.

_What are you doing? Why are you arguing with him? Over this? It makes no sense. He drove all this way to see you. Why are you giving him such a hard time? _

His jaw drops as he stares at her. He takes a deep breath, trying to keep himself calm. "Are you kidding me Pam? What is this? Do you have this picture of me and Roy one day just shaking hands and going out for a few beers? Cause I can tell you **right now** that's _never _going to happen."

And she knows he's right, but right now she's feeling so guilty she feels like she owes Roy…something.

She keeps going even as a voice in her head keeps screaming. _STOP._ "You think he's an idiot but he's not. He can be really sweet, and he really means well…"

And he can't take it one more minute. He can't take the sound of her voice telling him how great a guy Roy is. Not when he knows the truth. Roy's a jackass. He treated her like crap and he had to watch it for years and do nothing. And if she couldn't see it – he had no idea how he'd ever convince her.

_Two steps forward, five leaps back. _

He can see it now. He can feel it all slipping away from him and it scares him so much his voice starts to shake. Still the words that come out are not what he planned. They're not what he really wants to say at all.

"Hey Pam? Little tidbit for you. I didn't drive for five hours to hear about all the wonders of Roy."

Her face falls and he wants to curl up into a ball and die. _What are you doing? You're messing this up. Don't you see that? Stop it. Keep it up and you'll lose her before you even had her._

_Don't do this, Pam. Stop it. You knew he and Roy would never see eye to eye. Why are you pushing this? It makes **no sense**._ _Two weeks. Remember? You made a decision. You chose him. Two weeks._

She hates the sound of her own voice as she hears herself say, "Oh yeah? Then what did you drive here for?"

_Stop it. Say something else. Say something better._

He takes a steadying breath. "You." He whispers as he stares at her sadly. "I drove here for you."


	11. Chapter 11

_A/N: __This, and the two previous chapters, have been brought to you by: airport delays and a boring, horribly crowded two hour flight. Hopefully - now that I'm home for a bit - I'll be even more productive._

_I have nothing else to say really. Except - sigh. I love them. _

_Oh. And to add…I hope this has proven my trustability.;) _

**Chapter Eleven **

When she hears him say it she stares at her feet, and feels incredibly guilty. "I know."

He heaves a sigh of relief when he she finally looks up at him. "So what the hell are we doing?"

"I don't know." She says softly. "I'm sorry."

He's still confused. _Is it better now? Because it doesn't feel better. Well. Slightly better, but still not all the way better._ He gazes into her eyes and whispers. "Me too."

"When you say stuff like that…like how much you don't like him. I feel like…" She blinks back tears. "I feel like you think I'm a moron."

That is that last thing he expects her to say. He's completely baffled and feels, simply awful if he's had any part in making her think that way about him, or more importantly about herself.

It takes him a few minutes to find his voice again. "Pam. How could you even..."

She looks at him, exasperated and cuts him off. "Because. Do you know how many people have said to me…'I'm so glad you're not with him anymore. He wasn't right for you. How did you ever put up with it for so long?'." She runs a hand over her cheek to swipe the tears away. "It's almost funny. People are very forthcoming with advice after the fact."

She looks down at her feet again. "And I just keep thinking as they say it that…_you don't know_. You think you do - but you don't. I know he acted like he didn't care sometimes…" Her eyes meet his and she clarifies. "…OK…a lot of the time. But he did. He really does love me… at least he used to ."

_This should be easier. You're supposed to be happier now. Why can't you stop crying?_

"I'm sure he still does. It's not something you can turn on and off like that. Trust me. I tried a million times to get myself to stop." His voice lowers as he takes a step closer. "It was hopeless."

She doesn't react to what he's saying, she's still talking through her tears. "I don't love him, I mean not like…before. Not like in the beginning. But I still care about him and I know I always will. I think people assume that I never did or don't anymore- just because I called off the wedding." She looks at him closely. "And honestly? I think **_you_** think that I shouldn't have ever loved him at all. That I should have loved you - just you - like before I even knew you - instead."

And as she says it he's forced to see it for himself. It's just that simple. The truth hits him like a slap in the face. _She's right._

"Pam…" He takes another step towards her.

She looks up at him, her eyes pleading. "I loved him and I was going to marry him. I can't just pretend it didn't happen Jim. I'm sorry but I can't…"

_Now who's the moron? _He thinks as his arms reach out and he pulls her close. "Shh. I know."

"God. What were we thinking? We totally suck at this." She murmurs as she buries her face in the crook of his neck and his heart breaks a little bit more as he feels her tears, hot on his skin.

He holds her tighter. "Seems like it doesn't it? But if I'm not mistaken I think the Icelandic judge has given us a 7.8." He laughs a bit as he adds, "So. We're above average but not without room for improvement."

She shifts and rises on her toes so that her mouth is no longer pressed against collar. Even with her heels on he _is_ freakishly tall. She doesn't care what he says. She breathes him in and he smells like soap and…jasmine.

She's completely distracted now. There is no way she's not going to comment. "Don't you smell pretty?" She giggles.

He rolls his eyes. Of course. She would notice. "Yeah. I - um. I got the wrong fabric softener."

"Uh huh." She laughs harder.

He keeps trying to explain himself. Why he can't really fathom. "It was on sale. I didn't realize it was one of those botanical kinds…infused with camomile or…something."

"It's jasmine." She informs him, her face still buried against his neck, her laugh bouncing off his skin. And all at once he's decided that's the best feeling on earth. Her laughing, so close to him he can actually feel it.

Even as he thinks this, he's still trying to make her understand. He tries to brush it off. Like the fact that he smells like exotic flowers is nothing to find at all odd.

"Whatever. The bottle was blue - just like the other. It was an honest mistake. I mean c'mon. I'm a straight up "april fresh" kinda guy usually…"

"Oh of course." She can barely get the words out she's laughing so hard. "Because, everyone knows. Nothing says manly like "april fresh"."

_And this is how it should be_, _this is what I've always imagined it'd be like…with him_.

She clutches his flowery scented shirt and tries to get closer to him. His hand presses against her back and she's never felt so safe and…loved she realizes. She knows what she said before was right - that he loves her so much he wants to be the only one she's ever loved back.

_Is that really such a bad thing, Pam?_ She's starting to think that it's not at all.

She snuggles closer and closes her eyes. _Hugging Jim is like wearing an oversized sweatshirt,_ she thinks with a sigh. _It covers every inch of you and makes you warm all over. _

"Maybe we don't suck at this so much after all." She says as she pulls back to look at him.

"Maybe not." He agrees as his hand reaches up to wipe a tear still clinging to her cheek.

"So. Tell me something." She whispers as her eyes dart from his down to his mouth and back again. "Are you going to let me get to first base already? I mean. Has it been enough time yet?"

"I don't know. Unlike some people, who shall remain nameless.." He looks at her pointedly. "I do have morals and values. And of course, my mom always said, 'don't give away the milk for free.'"

He's saying one thing but his hands don't get the message it seems. He averts his eyes from hers as his hands inch up her sides and she's finding it difficult to concentrate.

"I'm just saying, there's slow and then there's going backwards." She says, her breath hitching.

"Really?" He grins down at her and barely moves. Except for his hands...his hands...

She focuses enough to mutter. "Prude."

"Hussy." He replies, laughing as he dips his head and covers her mouth with his.

_Wow…OK._ She thinks dizzily. It's **_so_** different this time. This time it's not so desperate, not so…urgent…not so…_C'mon Pam. Make up your mind_. It's so slow and so soft and so warm and her nails dig into his shoulders to keep herself from toppling over.

She makes a sound, deep in her throat as his lips move away from hers, sliding to her jaw and making a trail up to her ear.

And it makes him smile. Knowing, simply knowing, that she's not thinking of anything else but him now, makes him grin like crazy.

Her ear. _Oh God._ Her legs nearly buckle as he does something with his tongue that should be illegal. Before he moves on, he gently bites down on her earlobe and she's blind for a second. Suddenly all she can do is hear, feel, smell…_Jim_.

And he notices the change in her, even as he's consumed with hearing, feeling, smelling…_Pam_. His lips glide across her skin and her hands slip from his shoulders.

They slide down to his waist and as they do she feels him flinch a little. _He's ticklish._ She smiles as she runs her fingers over the exact same spot once more, noticing how he jerks away, just slightly, again. _Ah ha. Good to know._

His mouth moves back to hers and captures her sigh as she sways into him, still unsteady on her feet. His lips take little nibbles until hers part under his and he deepens the kiss, his tongue flicking against the roof of her mouth as his hands move under the hem of her shirt.

He's barely even touching her, his fingers are just lightly hovering over her skin but still and all, she's pretty sure that she can die now, right this second, and be happy.

He feels her shiver as her hands reach up and tug at his tie. She works the knot out of it, her lips never leaving his, at least not for long. She does have to take time to breathe, she realizes.

His tie slides through his collar and she tosses it onto the floorboards. Sighing again, she spears her hands in his hair, keeping his mouth fused to hers, pressing herself as close as she possibly can, and not nearly close enough.

_This is something better. This is something else. _He thinks with a smile._ This is something different. _

He's spun her around, but she doesn't even notice. His back is now resting against one of the posts near the stairs and he lifts her, literally lifts her up off her feet as he pulls her closer still.

Though he tries like hell to block it out he can hear the sounds around him. He's hearing the shouts of little kids, the sounds of an ice cream truck, rambling somewhere in her neighborhood, it's chimes sounding just like a canon all of the sudden.

And hearing the sounds get louder he pulls away, incredibly reluctantly, placing her gently back on her feet.

"OK. We don't suck. AT ALL." She says breathlessly.

She looks completely frazzled and he looks incredibly pleased with himself. "Nope." He agrees, equally breathless.

She presses a hand to her heart, afraid it just might fly from her chest. Her lips look bee stung and he can barely keep himself from leaning down and taking another taste.

She shakes back her hair, which has somehow fallen loose about her shoulders. "I mean. Not even a little bit."

She finally begins to focus as she reaches up and pushes a lock of his hair off his forehead. The gesture is tender but her voice is full of annoyance. "7.8 my ass." She says, as her hand runs slowly down his arm before dropping to her side.

"Tsk, tsk. You don't want to get too confident." He replies, laughing softly, loving the flush she has in her cheeks now. His own, he's sure, are a similar shade. "We might need a little practice - keep ourselves on the top our game."

She ponders a minute, her breathing slowly returning to normal. "Practice is good."

"Some might say it makes perfect." He smiles back at her.

"Some might." She agrees.

"We'll have to work out a schedule." His eyes glimmer as he makes the suggestion.

And in a millisecond she's reminded he's not here to stay. She's also reminded, that he doesn't know all of her plans - not yet.

"Yeah." She stares at her feet. _Two weeks, Pam. Tell him where you'll be in two weeks._

He takes a step back as a bunch of kids come squealing past. He looks after them for a second, remembering what it was like to be that young - to have nothing on your mind but hide and seek. Then his eyes return to her and he knows for sure.

_This is something better. This is something else. This is something different._

She's gazing up at him again and he's lost. He shoves his hands in his pockets. It's the only thing he can do to keep himself from pulling her close again. He ducks his head and grins. "I mean. You can't improve if you don't get any court time."

"I thought we were talking baseball." She looks at him quizzically. "You men with your sports references, making it so difficult for women in the workplace." She says with disgust, shaking her head at him.

"OK, _Jan_." He gives her a look.

"Hey.Watch it. You do realize that would make you _Michael_." She counters smugly.

_Never, ever, challenge me Beesly. Haven't you learned your lesson yet? You will lose. Every. Time. _

She's definitely scored some points but he knows he's about to pull ahead.

He gives her a nod and a knowing smile."That may be but I'm _pretty_ sure Jan at least got to second base with Michael. Where does that leave you?"


	12. Chapter 12

_A/N: Aw geez. I can't believe it. I've done it again. I've completely wiped out the show as we know it. I guess you can say I've made it a spin-off. All JAM – all the time. I don't know about you all but if that actually happened I'd **totally** watch it. Then again - I'd really miss the rest of them.:(_

_Even with that - I bet it'd be a hundred times better than Joey. :)_

_Actually I don't think that'd be too hard to accomplish. LOL! IMHO watching paint dry was more entertaining._

_Anyway - I'm not 100 percent pleased with this chapter. I don't know why. It's not enough banter or too far removed from the show or...something. Oh well. I started with this idea so I'm going to see it through._

_I think next time (OK – I can't believe I'm even contemplating another story. I mean – maybe if all of you chip in I COULD actually quit my job and just write until September. But otherwise – this obsession is bordering on insanity.) I'm going to have try and write a version where they all live in Scranton happily ever after. _

_But that's next time. For now… _

**Chapter Twelve **

She looked around the room and couldn't believe it was all hers. Every piece of furniture, every book, every knickknack was hers and hers alone.

As she stands on a ladder in her tiny kitchen stenciling a border near the ceiling she has never been more content. Living on her own for the first time and actually painting again? It all seemed incredibly surreal. She shifts back to admire her work and she hears a soft clatter on the shelf next to her. She holds her paintbrush with her teeth as her hands move to position her teapot more securely. It was too close to the edge and she couldn't bear it if it broke accidentally. And as she did only one thought filled her mind.

_Jim. _

When she thought of him now, she felt guilty. It had been so hard, lying…well…omitting the truth. She'd had to be vague and they were so caught up in this whole thing between them that he didn't really question her much. _Yeah. It's close to the office._ She just didn't say which. _Yeah. It's cute. It's in a real quiet building_. She didn't think he'd mind when he found out where her apartment actually was. Honestly, she didn't mean to lie, she just wanted to surprise him.

Her cell phone buzzes on the counter and she takes a deep breath as she sees who is calling.

"Hi." She smiles widely as she answers.

"Hey. All settled in?" He asks, still feeling guilty for not driving down to Scranton to help her. He didn't understand why she picked the same Saturday he had a sales meeting to move. He had tried to get out of it but he just couldn't.

Her heart began to beat a little faster. _Wait till you see it. _"Pretty much. My mom left about an hour ago. It's sorta smaller than I remembered."

"I'm sure it's great." He replies. His face is filled with so much admiration she can hear it as he adds. "I'm proud of you Pam."

Tears spring to her eyes. _How did he always know the very thing to say to get to her?_ "Really?"

"Yes. Really." He replies. "You - getting an apartment of your own – it's a big step. It took me along time to take that step myself. I always had roommates until I moved here. You'll like it – I think. Living alone is kind of nice."

_Living with you would be kind of nicer. _He shakes his head and scolds himself. _Slow down Jim. One step at a time._

"I guess I'll find out." She laughs back at him.

"Guess so." He sinks into his couch and yawns loudly as he tugs his tie off, remembering the way it felt when Pam had pulled it off and thrown it on the porch the last time he saw her. _Easy there killer. She's two hours away, remember?_

Though it isn't easy, he focuses back to their conversation. "So what are you up to? Are you having an inaugural dinner?"

"I was thinking about it." She yawns back at him. "I can't decide. Should I have pizza or Chinese?"

"Hmmm. You should get both." Jim says decisively.

"Both?" She doesn't understand why.

"Chinese for dinner – pizza for a half hour after when you get hungry again." He laughed.

"You're just saying that because you don't really like Chinese." She points out.

"Agreed." Jim nods. "But – also – keep in mind that pizza makes great leftovers. It's a complete meal..."

"Yes, Jim. I know." She rolls her eyes as she takes a deep breath. _This is it, Pam._ There's no reason to keep it from him any longer. It's actually silly to.

She leans against her counter and looks at her nails. "Well if you were here for dinner I'd be sure to get pizza."

"I'd _love_ nothing more than to have pizza with you in your new apartment." He says softly.

"So. Come over." She whispers back smiling widely.

Part of him would. Part of him wants to go right downstairs and get in his car and drive two hours straight to Scranton.

"Pam I would…I'm just…" He yawns again, still considering it. "It's been a long day."

"C'mon Jim. Please?" She pleads. "It's so sad that I'm here - all by myself - having my first dinner alone."

He can picture her and he can't help himself. He sees her batting her eyelashes and before he can talk himself out of it he's already standing and moving to the kitchen to make some coffee for the drive. He takes out a pen and paper and says "Okay. Where are you again, exactly?" He's suddenly startled that he doesn't actually know.

_Go ahead. Tell him Pam. _If there ever was a sign she'd made the right decision this was it._ Look at him. He'd have driven all the way to Scranton tonight, just because you asked him to._

"I'm at…" _Say it Pam. It's been long enough. _"... 202 Canterbury Commons. Apartment 3H"

He blinks and loses his breath for a second. He'd lived in Scranton all his life and doesn't remember a Canterbury anything. The only Canterbury Commons he knows is the one right next to Dunder-Mifflin's Stamford office.

"That's funny..." He looks at the address he'd written down closely. "...that sounds like a Stamford address."

"That's funny…" She inhales deeply as she blows out a breath. _This is it_. "…my apartment is in Stamford."

_Did she just say what I think she said? She's here? In Stamford? _

"W-what?" He stammers.

"You heard me. Come over." She says with a laugh as she hangs up the phone.

xoxoxoxoxoxo

"Are you kidding me?" He says as she opens the door.

"Hi." She smiles back at him.

He reaches out and runs a hand over her hair, just to make sure she's really standing there in front of him. "Are – you – _kidding_ me?"

"I ordered pepperoni. You like pepperoni right?" She says still grinning as she steps away and tries to walk towards the living room.

"Hold on…" He catches her hand in his and pulls her back, his arms closing around her. "You moved here?"

"Yeah." She giggles up at him. "Oh. I think I forgot to mention - I'm not really into long distance relationships."

"_Pam_." He can't believe it. Truly can't believe it.

"Yeah?" She laughs at the look of complete and utter surprise on his face.

He brushes a stray curl off her cheek and gazes down at her. "You moved here."

She nods and looks around the apartment. "Yes. I can't believe how easy it is to cross state lines. Without a passport even. Who knew I could actually drive my car out of Pennsylvania?"

He doesn't even hear her. His hands run up her back and he pulls her closer to convince himself she's really there, right in front of him.

He is nothing less than dumbfounded. "I can't believe you didn't tell me."

"Trust me – it wasn't easy. I've wanted to tell you a hundred times." She says with a sigh. "Surprised?"

He gives her a look. "Um - _that_ would be the understatement of the year."

"I can't believe I actually pulled it off myself." She laughs nervously as she looks down and plays with the buttons on his shirt. "I made the decision while you were away. I drove up here and everything just seemed to fall into place so easily…"

Jim cannot stop smiling as he looks down at her. _Amazing. She is…amazing. And full of surprises. Who knew?_

"I just wanted to do something so you'd know…I mean…so you'd know for sure…"

"What?" He can't figure out what she's trying to say.

_Say it Pam. It's been long enough._

She takes a deep breath and her eyes meet his again.

"…that I love you." She whispers.

It's the first time she's said it. She's implied it; she's looked at him as if it was true. He'd thought it but hearing her say it…

"_Pam_."

She focuses on his shirt again, as if it's the most fascinating thing ever. She's suddenly overwhelmed by all that she's done. Moving to a new place…telling him she loved him. It was a lot for your typical Saturday.

"I figured this would be good…for me to have my own place. That way we could still take things kind of slow – just without the horrible commute…"

Her words are cut off as he takes her face in his hands and kisses her breathless.

_How did this happen? How did we get here? And why the hell did we wait so long? _

"Pam." His fingers trace the lines of her face.

"I looked at a lot of places but I liked this one the best. There's a pool and a gym…" She places her hands on his chest and leans back in his arms.

He shakes his head at her. "Pam."

"Yeah?"

He leans close and whispers in her ear. "Stop talking." His mouth moves back to hers and he's found a better way to keep her quiet.

"'kay…" She murmurs as she kisses him back.

She smiles as he begins walking and takes her with him, over to the couch and she stumbles and falls onto it and he follows.

"_Jim…_"

His hands are in her hair and she sighs as he eases down on top of her and it's different than she's used to – different than she imagined.

All at once she realizes he's stronger than she thought. She can feel the muscles in his back bunch as she runs her fingers over them. _Nice._ His lips are on her neck and she's dizzy. _Nicer. _

"_Jim…_" She breathes his name into his shoulder.

She focuses on the buttons of his shirt again, and she's suddenly slipping them open, one at a time. Her hands are shaking as they move towards his waist, running over the buckle of his belt while at the same time his hands are slipping up and under her t-shirt. She gasps as his fingers graze her ribcage. She shivers as his thumb runs under the strap of her bra and she's dying…simply dying as…

…the doorbell rings.

"NO. _WAY_." He groans and buries his nose in her hair.

It takes her a minute to find her voice. "You wanted pizza." She laughs against his neck.

"I changed my mind." He says as he sits up and runs a hand over his face.

She follows his lead, blushing as she tugs her shirt down and moves to stand.

Rosy cheeked and grinning madly she digs into the back pocket of her jeans for money as she walks to the door.

Moments later she walks back to him again – pizza box in tow.

She places the box on the table and though he tries to catch her, she sidesteps him and moves to the kitchen, still smiling.

He starts to get up and go after her but she's back before he can take a step.

"Want a Coke?" She asks as she brings two back with her.

He has no interest in soft drinks at the moment. But still he hears himself say. "Sure."

She smiles as she flops back down on the couch. She leans over and takes out a slice of pizza and hands it him.

"We are _so_ not going to eat pizza right now." He sounds so serious she can't help laughing.

"We are _so_ going to." Pam replies, lifting a slice to her mouth, closing her eyes and taking a bite.

He puts the slice down, disgusted. "I'm boycotting pizza. On principle."

She smiles as she wipes her lips with a napkin. "For how long?"

He leans back and crosses his arms over his chest. "An undetermined amount of time."

"Aw. Ruined your game huh?" Pam says, taking another bite. "I don't know. Wasn't that just practice?"

"More of a scrimmage." He sighs as he looks over at her. His face breaks into a smile. "You moved here."

"Yeah." She shrugs.

"To be with me?" He says, so earnestly she can't make herself come back with a sarcastic comment.

"Yeah." She says as she leans over to kiss him quickly. "Is that OK with you?"

"Sure. I mean. I always wanted a stalker..." He replies with a grin.

She sticks out her tongue at him.

Weakening and contemplating giving up his boycott, he picks up a piece of pizza and regards it carefully. "How did Michael take it?"

"I gave my two weeks to Toby." She admits. "I'm going to drive down and work there this week. I drove two hours from my mom's so it won't be so bad. I'll have to tell him on Monday."

Jim laughs just thinking about his reaction. "He is going to lock himself in his office."

"I know and probably play Air Supply on a continuous loop." She giggles.

"Except he'll be incredibly proud of himself - he'll think he had a part in getting us together." He says thoughtfully remembering, oddly, how Michael actually gave him pretty good advice after all.

Jim tears his eyes away from hers and glances around her apartment, catching a glimpse of the easel she's set up in one corner. He looks over, noticing for the first time the splotches of paint on her t-shirt, and smiles widely. "You've been painting."

She blushes as she follows his gaze. "Yeah. A little. The kitchen..."

He puts down his pizza and jumps off the couch to go and take a look for himself. And when he does, he's amazed at the intricate design traveling across the wall.

His eyes widen as he looks over at her. "You did this - like - freehand?"

She rubs her hands on her jeans nervously and follows behind. "Yeah."

"You're _really _talented."

"Thanks." She blushes and averts her eyes from his.

He shakes his head and reaches out to make her face him. "No. I mean. _Really_."

It means more to her than he knows, the fact that he thinks so. "You're not just saying that because I let you feel me up before?" She says with a laugh as she stares at her feet.

"No." He leans close and whispers. "But if you give me another chance I'll compare you to Picasso."

"Later." She promises as she links her hand with his and pulls him back over to the couch. "Right now I just want to sit and talk to you." She sits down beside him and curls up against him. This is what she's been dreaming of for three weeks. "I can't get over the fact that I'll be able to see you all the time."

He presses a kiss to her hair. _I can't get over the fact that I thought I knew everything about you and here you are, keeping secrets. Good secrets - but secrets just the same._

"I just think this will be good for us. A new place, a new start. I think we were holding each other back."

_She has a point_ he thinks as he shifts and pulls her closer. "So. What other secrets are you keeping from me? In a week will you be working in my office, answering the phones?"

"No." She laughs, though she can't say that the thought hadn't occurred to her. She snuggles against him. "I'll be working an art gallery, answering phones."

"Really?" He runs a hand over her arm. She looks the same, she's still a receptionist - apparently - but he can't help but be shocked at how much she's surprised him.

"God. I really thought I knew you..." He whispers almost too low for her to hear.

"You knew some of me." She whispers back. "Not all of me..."

"But someday I will." He says so hopefully it sounds more like a question than a statement.

She tilts her face up to his and answers, more confidently. "Yeah. Someday you will."


	13. Chapter 13

_A/N: I almost ended the torture at the end of this chapter. Almost. But it was too much for one sitting. So you'll just have to wait for Part II._

_Hey look. If Jim has to suffer – I think it's the least the rest of us can do. ;)_

**Chapter Thirteen**

There's a lot about it that's easy. This whole - being more than friends – thing? Piece of cake.

They already know how to make each other laugh, and they already know what makes each other tick. They already have a history, they already have a past. With all the things they already know and have it's easy to start moving towards the future.

Her first week in Stamford they don't see much of each other. She's commuting to Scranton, he's closing a big sale. They're still moving slow and it's actually nice. The anticipation reminds Jim of the years he'd sit across from her wondering, hoping…

It's just now his reward was a bit more than just hearing her laugh or making her smile.

On her first day of work at the gallery he picks her up to take her to lunch. When he pulls up at Chili's she refuses to get out of the car.

"No." She shakes her head at him.

"Don't tell me you're intimidated by a chain restaurant, Beesly." He gives her a lopsided grin.

"Not intimidated." She insists as she shakes her head at him. "Just mortified. Jim c'mon. There are a hundred other places we could go…"

"Today is a day to face challenges. So. Let's see you sneak in under the radar." He whispers as he holds his hand out to her.

She takes a deep breath and links her fingers with his. "I hate you." She mutters.

"Not really." He laughs at her.

"Yes. _Really_." She says but a smile tugs at her lips and proves her a liar.

It's busy and bustling and crowded with lunch goers. Jim walks straight to the hostess stand and gives Pam's hand a squeeze. "Hey. How you doing? Table for two please." He says with a grin.

The perky hostess looks down at her floor plan and then up at him and smiles back. "Sure. It's about a ten minute wait. Can I have your name please?"

"Absolutely." He bites back a laugh. "You can just put us down as Drunk…" He jerks his thumb in Pam's direction as he finishes. "…and Disorderly." He rest his elbows on the counter and whispers. "Hey - do you want to check her ID? Run it through the database?"

"JIM." Pam smacks his arm and glares at him.

The hostess gives him a blank stare, unable to process the joke.

"Or maybe just Jim." He finally manages through his laughter. "Either one is fine."

Still confused she hands him a pager and moves on to the next person in line.

As they wait in the bar, Pam remains silent. She crosses her arms in front of her and continues to stare him down.

He sticks out his bottom lip and pouts. "Oh stop. You know you love me."

"At the moment? That's debatable." She replies, scowling.

"Hey. It's not my fault you can't handle your liquor." He gives her a look.

"Jim." She sighs as she tries to think of a way to get him to take her somewhere else.

But of course, the pager beeps and suddenly they are being ushered to their table.

"I highly recommend the boneless buffalo wings…" He says as he opens the menu.

"I highly recommend you shut it, Halpert." She says wearily as she takes a sip of her water.

He chuckles as he looks at the beverage menu. "Wow. You sound cranky. Need a little El Nino Margarita to get you through the afternoon?"

She glares back at him.

He shrugs at her. "I can't help it if I have a fondness for Chili's. It's where I first knew you were hot for me."

"Oh really?" She says, seemingly disinterested. She studies her menu even though she knows exactly what she's going to order.

"Yes. It's where _you_ first kissed _me_." He says with a grin.

"I don't remember that at all. I must have been incredibly intoxicated." She says, still not looking at him.

"Must have." He kicks her gently under the table, his voice softening. "So. C'mon. Tell me. How's your first day so far?"

Abandoning her annoyance with him she places the menu down and gives him a huge smile.

"I love it." She sighs.

"Really." He grins back at her. "I couldn't tell." It's obvious, the change in her. He looks at her with admiration. She looks, simply lovely, with her hair pulled back in a pony tail and her trendy floral top and he almost can't believe she's the same Pam he's known all these years.

He has to say he likes this version just as well as the old one.

"I _ab-so-lutely_ love it. Anne-Marie – who runs the gallery? She's _so_ cool. I'm going to learn so much." She stops talking just long enough to order her salad and starts right back up as the waiter slips away. "Jim - she told me to bring in some of my sketches. She's really encouraging me to put together a collection of my own."

Having seen what she's capable of - Jim would have said the exact same thing, but he knows it means more to her to hear it from a fellow artist. And he agrees wholeheartedly. She's definitely got a gift. He's so incredibly proud of her he can't stand it.

"You totally should." He says excitedly.

"OK. The thought of that is terrifying." She says, her voice shaking a bit.

"OK. Well. You have a while to go before it happens, so don't freak out right now." He reaches over and grabs her hand. "Pam. That's great."

"I know." She looks over at him, her eyes sparkling.

They talk through lunch about the kinds of paintings and drawings she'd want to include. She's already spent her first paycheck in her mind thinking of all the new supplies she's going to need to buy. And so casually that neither of them realizes the implications they make plans to go to the Cape one weekend so that she can paint the seashore.

As she sits across from him and knows, simply knows he's as excited about all this as she is every second she's more sure she's made the right choice. Because as she sits there across from him she's happy - happier than she ever dreamed she could be.

xoxoxoxoxo

Two weeks later and it's getting less easy. Even so he loves the things he now gets to know about her.

Now he knows she can't carry a tune to save her life. He's caught her singing as she does her makeup, before they go out for dinner and she's so awful he can't even believe how cute she is.

Now he knows she's got dozens of sketchbooks and now he knows she sketches him when she thinks he's not looking.

Now he knows she likes to paint barefoot…that when she does she throws her hair up in a knot and sticks an extra paintbrush through it to keep it secured. And now he knows that he finds her irresistible when she does that.

Now he knows she snores a little when she falls asleep on his chest as they lay together on the couch watching movies.

Now he knows she's a neat freak who can't leave the dishes until the morning.

Now he knows that she sighs and leans into him when he presses a kiss to the nape of her neck as she stands at the sink.

Every day he gets to add another thing to the list of what…now he knows.

But there are still a slew of things he hasn't crossed off yet. For example, he doesn't know how it feels to fall asleep with his skin next to hers and he doesn't know what it's like to kiss every inch of her.

But he wants to. _God._ He wants to.

xoxoxoxoxo

It's been a month since she's moved to be with him, and every day she's surprised at all the things she learns.

She learns how he is such a creature of habit. She had a clue because he ate the same thing for lunch at work every day but she didn't know before now that it extended to breakfast…and dinner. Corn flakes every morning, pizza every Friday. She decides she needs to get him to venture out a bit.

She learns that he does his laundry on Tuesdays, because there's nothing really good on TV until later in the evening and even with that he's got TiVo so it's not really an issue. He's done some research he tells her, and he's noted that Monday is a big laundry day since it's when people come back from weekend trips. By Tuesday some of the frenzy has died down.

She knows he's not kidding. That he really has given it that much thought. And he's such a complete dork she can't even believe it. Since she's one too she thinks it works out really well.

She learns he can cook – nothing fancy but he's actually capable of making a meal on his own. He's particularly good at making pasta and she's learned that he sometimes pretends he's Emeril as he putters around the kitchen. And on a random Thursday when she's come home from work he's there, standing in her kitchen, wearing a chef's hat.

Dork.

She catches him looking at her sometimes and she knows what he's thinking. She can't say he's alone because she feels the same way. She knows what that look means but it scares her.

Not just scares her. She's frightened out of her mind.

When his arms close around her and his lips touch hers it's…amazing. When his fingers trail along her skin and he whispers in her ear the things he says are so beautiful it makes her want to cry. But it's only when his hands inch lower and his breath comes quicker and she stops him, gently pushing him away that the tears actually come.

"Wait. Jim…Hold on. I'm sorry." She whispers.

_Yeah. Me too._ "Sure." He nods and closes his eyes, resting his forehead on hers. He tries to think of something, anything else but the way she looks lying beneath him.

"Jim…" She places a hand on his arm as she moves to sit up.

He flinches and pulls back sharply. "You're going to need to give me a minute." He says, his voice tight.

_It's not supposed to be this way. You're here with the woman you fully intend to spend the rest of your life with and just when things get interesting – suddenly - you're back in high school. _

When he's finally able to stand without much effort he grabs his keys off her nightstand and begins to straighten his clothes. "I should go."

"Jim…" She blinks back tears as she watches him tuck his shirt back in. She reaches out and grabs her own shirt, holding it in front of her. "I'm…"

He doesn't want to hear it. He looks at her, her hair curling wildly around her face, her cheeks flushed, her skin…

He takes another steadying breath and starts counting to ten, wishing nothing more that someone would come by and douse him with cold water. "Yeah. I know. It's OK."

She doesn't know how exactly to explain herself. She's just scared. Scared to change everything. She knows once they do that there's no turning back.

Even still she argues with herself in her mind. _But you want him, you know you do. Why can't you just let yourself have him?_

She wishes she could bring him back, but she knows the moment is long gone. "I just…"

"Pam. It's OK. I know what you said. You need to go slow I get it." He averts his eyes from hers. "The thing is - you say that and then all of the sudden we're…" He trails off and meets her eyes again. "I just can't keep doing this. You're killing me."

"I'm sorry..." She looks down at her bedspread.

He shakes his head at her. He's trying to be understanding but it costs him dearly. "Don't be sorry. I understand. I do. It's just that…"

She pulls her top back on and shifts to rest her back against the headboard, kicking herself because she knows that she's the problem. "I know."

He gazes over at her and realizes he keeps forgetting. He's loved her for so long he keeps forgetting that she'd loved him for a much shorter length of time.

"It's just that we're supposed to go away soon…" He says as he swings his key ring around his finger. "And I don't want you to go if you're not really ready."

He's made plans. He'd been dreaming about a weekend like this. Away with her, just hours and hours of them being together, alone. It's something he'd once thought would never happen but now…

She knows what he's saying and she starts to panic. "No. I want to go."

"_Pam_." He wants to believe her, but he can see the same scene that just happened here happening again. The place will be different – the result the same.

She's determined to make sure it doesn't happen. She's determined to make sure he knows that she means it.

Pam scrambles off the bed and moves to stand in front of him. "I want to go." She repeats, her eyes locking on his.

He wants to believe her but he just can't - not entirely. _You're a glutton for punishment, Halpert._ He thinks to himself as he gazes down at her.

Because even if she's not sure, there's another thing he's learned. Now he knows he'll never be able to resist her.

No matter what.


	14. Chapter 14

_A/N: Is it too cheesy? I feel like it might be too cheesy. Is it? C'mon. We're friends. __You can tell me. _

_You can tell me anything..._

_Oh well. Cheesy or not - lookie here. Our boy finally gets lucky. ;) _

**Chapter Fourteen **

He's cautious with her the whole next week. He walks to the door after dinner and kisses her quickly. Her arms ache when he steps out of them and she knows she has to make up her mind soon. Because she can see what it costs him and she knows it's not fair.

_You tell him you love him, you move here to be with him, and you send him home night after night frustrated and alone. How could you possibly do that? _

She's never been one for mixed signals, even if that's what she told him way back in the beginning, that he'd read her wrong.

It was a lie, plain and simple. He reads her perfectly, he always had, and that's what had made it so difficult.

No one had ever read her like that before. And she's so unsure because she really only has one other person to compare him to.

Finally it's Friday and somehow they both managed to get the day off. They head out early to beat the traffic.

They sing along to cheesy 80s music the whole drive up. He thinks she looks like a postcard of New England in her long white shorts and striped t-shirt. Her face is framed by a floppy hat and he's reminded again what a sucker he is.

_How do you possibly think you'll be able to keep your hands off her for forty-eight hours? _

The check into the bed and breakfast and though it pains him he's tempted to ask for a double room. Instead he decides to be cautiously optimistic. He's gone camping most summers so he figures a hardwood floor is not much different than the dusty floor of a tent.

Finding another place to sleep would be easy, but listening to the sound of her breathing, being in the same room for two nights and not touching her is something he's not sure he can take.

They spend that first afternoon at the beach, dozing on and off in the sun. She nudges him to turn over when his back gets a little too pink. As she runs her hands gently over his skin to spread sunscreen, and she hears him suck in a breath she's still nervous, but she desperately tries to push those thoughts aside.

_Why the hell are you waiting again, Pam? What are you so afraid of?_ It's gotten to the point where she can't even explain it to herself.

He watches her carefully as she sketches the shoreline, adoring the way her tongue sticks out a little when she's concentrating really hard. And before he can stop himself he's picturing a little girl, with her eyes and his smile scribbling with crayons, wearing the same look on her face.

He buys her an ice cream cone as they walk back to the inn. He gives the college kid behind the counter a huge tip. He explains to her why - that he knows what it's like to be broke and need beer money. She laughs and calls him the ultimate humanitarian.

They stop in front of a small shop in town, one that features works of local artists and he stands behind her and curls his arms around her waist as they admire a painting in the window.

He presses a kiss to her neck as he whispers, his voice certain, "Someday - that'll be you."

And in the end it's just that simple. Just like that, she knows there's nothing to be scared about. Sure - it's different now. Sure - it's not like before. But there's no reason to think it won't end up OK. Because she knows, that it's just…Jim.

As she links her hand with his and walks along beside him the decision is finally made. She knows all at once how silly she's been. There's no need to wait any more.

They're stuck in tight quarters, the little room is much tinier than the brochure promises. He showers first and then sits on the edge of the bed. Her breath catches when she sees him waiting there, with his cheeks reddened and the sleeves of his freshly ironed shirt rolled up to reveal the beginnings of a suntan. His hair is damp and it darkens his collar and she wants nothing more than to run her hands through it.

Not knowing what she's thinking, he smiles as he watches her getting ready, throwing her hair up in some sort of clip, standing at the mirror in her bare feet.

He falls more in love every second.

His hands shake a bit when he helps to zipper her dress, indulging himself with a quick trace of his fingers up her spine before he completes the task.

Her stomach tightens and her heart beats faster and part of her wants to turn around and tell him to forget dinner entirely.

But instead they go out and sit on a deck over looking the water. She's thrilled that he's decided to order soft shell crabs on a Friday, breaking his continuous pizza streak. She's has the most incredible lobster and three glasses of wine. Halfway through dinner she slips off her sandals and slides her foot up his bare calf. As she does she keeps her eyes on his face the whole time. He doesn't react at all, just continues with the story he's been telling. Her foot slides higher as the waitress comes over to ask about dessert.

For what seems like a full minute they sit there and stare at each other and she gets no reply.

"Just the check." Jim finally manages.

He can't remember how they walked back to the inn, or how they got upstairs, or how they got the door to the room open.

He can't remember how her hair came undone, or how her dress ended up in a pool at the end of the bed. And he can't believe he's never noticed before the scraps of silk she thinks qualify as underwear.

He can't remember what happened to his shoes or his belt or his shirt or his shorts but they're nowhere to be found.

All he knows, all he sees, all he feels now is her.

_Pam_.

She sighs and arches against him. Her hands are everywhere, her mouth is everywhere and it's just like he'd imagined it would be.

Except, better. A thousand times better.

He doesn't know how he managed to finally get her to this place, he doesn't know what changed her mind, but now he knows he'll never be able to think of colonial four poster beds without remembering the way she looks gazing up at him the way she is right now.

He keeps waiting for her to tell him to stop, to wait, to hold on but she never does. Instead for the first time she pulls him closer and wraps her legs around his waist and by then it's too late for him to stop anything.

Her eyes are on his and she watches his face and she cries again, but for a different reason this time. Because this time it's so perfect, so beautiful…so right and she can't believe that out of all the people in the world he chose her.

But he did.

And she still has no idea why she waited so long.

The window is open and a breeze flutters the canopy above them and if they were to lie very still they could almost hear the sound of the ocean.

But he doesn't notice anything else at all. The only thing he can see is her face and the only sound he hears is her gasping his name as she trembles beneath him.

And he knows, with all certainty, that it's all he'll ever need.

xoxoxoxoxoxo

"If it's a Bed and Breakfast…" She murmurs. "…does that mean they'll serve us breakfast in bed?"

He's been up for a while, strumming his fingers up and down her spine, inhaling the scent of her shampoo, relishing in the feel of her skin against his. She's soft and warm and…perfect.

"Nice try, but I sincerely doubt it." He chuckles.

"That's false advertising." She says in a huff as she tilts her face up to look at him. "Hi." She whispers, sleepily.

"Hi." He smiles back at her.

"We don't suck at this either." She yawns as she turns her head again, her hand sliding up to rest over his heart.

It starts to beat faster as she runs her toes along his calf again. "Nope." He laughs.

"It's a shame we've been stuck on the amateur circuit." She says with a sigh. "I think we should go pro. Is there money in this?"

He thinks for a second. "Yes. But it's not for the camera shy."

"Sorry. I've had enough of cameras to last a lifetime. Too bad." She smiles as his hand moves down to the small of her back, pressing her closer. "I think we'd have quite the career…"

She's joking with him, so he doesn't know if he should say anything, if he should just take what just happened for what it was. That maybe talking about it might change things. As he's debating with himself she starts to speak again.

"I'm sorry." Her lips move against his skin as she ducks her head.

He knows what she's trying to say but still he hears himself ask. "For what?"

"For making you wait. For being…so…I don't know…" She sighs and traces a pattern across his chest.

"It's OK." He leans close and whispers against her lips.

She eases back and leans her head on her hand and regards him closely. "You are **_unbelievably_** understanding. Can you really be this perfect?"

"My perfection has been implied." He says with a grin. "But I'm sure you'll manage to find some sort of flaw in me."

She thinks for a moment. "You're right. There are a few signs of imperfection."

_A few?_ He's actually surprised. "Oh yeah? Such as?"

"Your obsession with ironing…" She begins.

"Hey. You don't complain when I do yours..."

He has a point. "True. OK. Here's something else. Your fascination with paprika. It's not a universal spice, Jim. You need to branch out…"

He looks genuinely hurt. "Emeril uses paprika."

She shakes her head at him and gives him a look. "Um, hate to break it to you. You're not Emeril."

"That's the last time I cook for you Beesly." He warns her. "Anything else?"

She pushes her hair out of her eyes as she adds. "Oh. Of course, there's always the freakishly tall thing."

He stares at her with disgust. "Oh sure. Fine. Mock me now. I don't know, somehow it's been very handy for you when you want me to change light bulbs."

She sighs. "Alright. You have a point. OK. I give up. You are perfect." She giggles as she closes her eyes and curls into him again.

He buries his nose in her hair and pulls her closer. His fingers trace along her spine and she shivers.

A few long moments later she shifts and presses a kiss to his throat. "You really are perfect Jim and I know for a fact that I'm not. That's honestly part of what took me so long..." She whispers. "I keep thinking once you find that out you'll change your mind." He's alarmed when he feels her tears on his skin. "I wouldn't be able to handle that. I mean, now that I know…"

Before he can say anything she rests a hand on the side of his face and adds. "I can't even believe how much I love you."

And this is it. This is all he's ever wanted, all he's needed, all this time.

"I'm glad we're on the same page." He replies with a smile, holding her closer still.

All morning she's been waiting for him to say something…to say something…more. Now that she's said something herself, she can't believe that's the best he could come up with.

"Oh my God. You did **_not_ **just give me the equivalent of 'Ditto'." She pulls back, her gaze incredulous.

"Hey. Easy there, Demi." He laughs loudly at the look on her face.

She is not about to give up. "Are you kidding me? We were having a moment. I just told you how much I love you." She gives him a look of warning. "I'll give you one more chance. Say something better." She says as she shoves him.

He raises his eyes to the ceiling before making a decision.

"You had me at hello?" He tries again, biting back a laugh.

"_Jim._" She digs her nails into his shoulder.

"You can't handle the truth!" He says, in all seriousness.

She stares at him and he's afraid, truly afraid for his life all of the sudden.

Smiling widely, he turns and pins her onto the mattress. As he gazes down at her, there is only one thing that fills his mind, random movie quotes set aside. His voice is soft and travels across her skin as he says, "God. I am crazy about you Beesly. I'm flat out, full on, insane about you."

She gazes up at him with tears in her eyes and he knows he's picked a winner. And as his lips move over hers he swears he hears her laugh and whisper. "Ditto."


	15. Chapter 15

_A/N: Sniff, sniff. For every beginning, there is an end and I fear this might be it. I could go on and on and on but I think it's time to say goodbye and move forward. I hope it ends the way you imagined it would and that I don't disappoint. _

_To all of you who've read and reviewed - thank you all so, so very much._

_I truly appreciate it more than you know._

_(Oh PS – "Roy's first proposal" is based on an actual event. My friend's husband did just that to her. AND…they dated for 15 years before they finally got married…at a VFW Hall. They couldn't be happier – just had a baby - but I'd be lying if I said her hubby doesn't remind me of Roy.)_

_So, until next time…'cause who am I kidding. There'll be a next time…_

**Chapter Fifteen **

It was never a matter of if - it was only a matter of when.

Actually - that wasn't quite true. It **_used_** to be if…

_If I was marrying her instead of Roy I'd…_

_If it was our wedding I wouldn't make her plan it all alone…_

_If only…_

But now **_when_** was the only thing that filled his mind. _When should I do it? How should I do it? Where?_

He'd taken care of a big part of it, pulling her father aside after dinner on Christmas Eve and getting his blessing, though there was a part of him that thought he'd noticed some reluctance.

_You'd better take good care of her._ Her father had warned him. And, shaking his hand, Jim met his harrowing gaze and promised him that he would.

As if he would even know how to do anything but.

He was glad he'd gotten the conversation over with. It came in handy on that snowy day in February when they sat together on the edge of the bathtub waiting for the kitchen timer to ding.

And though they never really discussed it in detail, neither one of them could decide whether they were relieved or disappointed when the test turned out to be negative.

The event did prompt them to reconsider their living arrangements. It seemed silly to pay rent on two places when they spent every night together. It had gotten to the point where they kept leaving things at each other's apartments and frantically searching only to find whatever item they were looking for was never where they thought it would be.

In the end, they had chosen Pam's because 'the light was better'. Jim thought the light was just fine where he lived but he knew it was an artist thing.

And who was he to deny her anything that would make her happy.

So now that they shared the same home he thought it was stupid to just keep dating. It didn't make sense to wait when he knew that there was no way he'd ever change his mind.

Still when he finally got the question out he didn't want it to be typical, or over the top embarrassing. Had Pam consented to go to sporting events with Roy he thought for sure that he'd have proposed on that stupid screen and the crowd would be yelling "Nooooo!" all around them as it happened.

_So romantic. _He thinks with a roll of his eyes.

Instead, as Pam told it Roy had called her out onto the porch one night and held out his great aunt's ring, ceremoniously placing it on her finger. Her heart beat faster and she gazed up at him in anticipation. Five seconds later he had asked her to take it off. He laughed and said he was just making sure it fit.

The actual proposal was just as sentimental it seemed. In front of his whole family one Sunday Roy blurted out "Let's get married - we already fight like it."

And she'd wanted it to work so badly she quickly found herself saying "Yes."

Now that she had some distance she knew that it wasn't his fault. It wasn't that Roy didn't love her – he did. He just didn't get her – and that had always been the problem.

So of course, Jim wanted when he asked her to be as far removed from that as it could.

He'd envisioned every possible scenario and decided he didn't want to do it on a holiday, like Christmas or Valentine's Day. It worked for a lot of people he knew but to him it was so cliché and expected. He thought something as important as this deserved its own day or more importantly – its own moment.

As were with all things that concerned the two of them, things seemed to always work out on their own time.

It was a warm Saturday night in July, just about a year since they'd finally gotten together and Pam was rushing around the apartment nervous and giddy. One of her paintings was being featured in an exhibit for new artists that the gallery she worked at had organized.

She had agonized over what to show, and in the end she submitted a watercolor of the beach in Hyannis at sunset.

She looks more beautiful than he had ever seen her, and that was saying something because he thought she looked breathtaking on a typical Sunday morning, with her hair in a knot, wearing his sweatshirt and her glasses.

She twirls in front of him, searching frantically for one of her shoes. As she does the skirt of her little black dress fans out around her.

"Try under the couch." He chuckles as he watches her.

She stops and stares at him. "How do you…?" She gives him a confused look.

"Nine times out of ten anything I can't find ends up there." He says with a shrug.

She lifts his legs and crawls under them, sweeping an arm underneath. She sits back on her heels, rosy cheeked and looking radiant clutching her other strappy sandal victoriously.

"Thank you." She whispers as she pressed a quick kiss to his lips and dashed back to the bedroom.

_Go ahead. _He thinks. _This is it…this is the time…the perfect time. _

"Pam? Can you, um…grab my watch…I left it on the dresser." He calls out to her.

"Sure." She says. He can hear her walking unevenly across the floor, wearing one shoe and still carrying the other in her hand.

He figures it wouldn't take long. Maybe ten seconds or so, before she'd notice. _Ten, nine, eight, seven, six…_

He hears the shoe she's been carrying clattering to the ground.

Jim smiles widely. _Faster than he thought. It only took less than five._

And then her hears her, clomping slowly back over to him.

"What…" She says breathlessly as she stares at him.

"Hmm?" He gives her a bemused look.

"W-what is this?" She asks as she holds the ring out to him with a trembling hand.

"Oh." He takes it from her and regards it closely. "That's just your ring."

"M-m-my…" She can't form a word, let alone a complete sentence.

He bites back a laugh as she stands before him, wobbling on her one shoe. He thinks he should be nervous, everything in him screams that he should be nervous but he isn't. He has no reason to be nervous at all.

Because, after all, it was just Pam, simply Pam, perfect…Pam.

He smiles widely as he turns the ring in his fingers. "It's your ring." He can see she doesn't get it at all. He smirks at her and continues. "You see – I made a promise to myself a while ago."

"Oh?" Is about all she can manage.

"Yes." He nods. "I had this vision. I kept thinking of when you officially showed your first piece of artwork and I was standing around the gallery, drinking some really awful wine and eating those nasty hors d'oeuvres that someone would eventually stand next to me and look at whatever incredible thing you'd decided to show and say 'Such an amazing talent. Do you know who's responsible for this?'"

Jim gazes down at her and sees the confused look on her face, her eyes bright with tears, and decides to get to the point. "And I'd say…'Actually – I'm glad you asked. The artist happens to be my fiancée…Pamela Beesly.'"

"Jim." She whispers as the tears begin to fall.

He keeps grinning at her as he's talking, completely confident of her answer before she even utters a word. "I knew I'd have to do something so I'd be able to say fiancée, because _girlfriend_ seems so casual – and c'mon…**you** are something so much more."

"_Jim_…"

He reaches down and wipes a tear from her cheek, his voice becoming soft and serious. "I simply can't even imagine spending my life with anyone else but you." He takes her hand in his.

She's quivering and dizzy and nothing short of overwhelmed. The ring slips onto her finger and fits perfectly.

"_JIM…_" She stares at her hand. She can't keep her eyes off the ring.

He has excellent taste, is all she can think. It's sparkling and glimmering and tastefully…huge.

He starts to laugh as he pulls her to him. Her left hand rests on his chest as her right arm curls around his neck. He bends his head and whispers against her lips. "Marry me, Pam. Please?" He starts to laugh in spite of it all. "I mean, look at me. I'm so freakishly tall I don't think anyone else will have me."

It's perfect, he's perfect. Once again she's awed at how lucky she is. She kisses him before she even answers and when she does all she keeps repeating is "Yes."

As she finally eases away and looks at the time she shakes him and says she could kill him for doing this tonight, and for ruining her mascara. He laughs and says he's not taking it back, so she's going to just have to deal with it.

She walks around the whole night in a daze. No one really even notices her ring and she's happy, because part of her just wants to keep it to herself for a bit.

She stands next to him and his arm curls around her waist and when he does her left hand seems to keep making it's way across his chest, coming to rest just over his heart.

That night when she sells her first painting though she's thrilled - it barely compares to the way she feels whenever she looks at her hand.

For the rest of her life, she can sell every piece of artwork she ever creates, but she knows that no matter how much money she makes that now she's got something that's priceless.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

She's wearing another ring now, one that compliments the one he gave her just two years ago. She laughs as she watches him with his niece and suddenly she can see a picture of him and little girl with his eyes and her smile twirling around the dance floor.

Someday…

He comes back to stand beside her, breathless and laughing. He leans close and asks her if she's sorry that their wedding wasn't more like this one and she shakes her head and replies. "Our wedding was perfect."

She means it. It was. It was simple and stress free and…fun. They planned every moment together, and had only the people who meant most to them in the world there.

They went to Australia right after, so Jim could show her all the things he'd seen when he was there the last time.

Except they made sure to go in February, so they could at least lay out on the beach.

She looks tired; he realizes as he drives them home, to the small house that his new job and latest promotion helped them buy. She's looked tired all week, he thinks worriedly, and he listens to her breathing slow and knows that she's fallen asleep.

He nudges her gently as they sit in the driveway. She yawns as she lets him lead her upstairs.

She smiles dreamily as she watches him getting ready for bed. She changes quickly and curls up, resting her head on the pillows. She shivers a bit; the heat in the old house takes a minute to reach the second floor.

_Go ahead. _She thinks. _This is it…this is the time…the perfect time. _

"Jim? Could you…um…grab a pair of socks for me? In the top drawer of the dresser?"

"Sure." He smiles over at her and then does what she asks. In seconds he goes incredibly still.

She grins like a madwoman as she waits for him to finally turn around.

"What…" He says when he's actually able to breathe again. He's holding an incredibly tiny pair of socks in his hand.

"Hmm?" She gives him a puzzled look.

"W-what is this?" He asks as he holds out the socks with a trembling hand.

"Jim." She says slowly. "Those are socks."

He gives her a look.

"But I don't think they will fit me." She scrunches her nose up at him.

"Pam."

"Maybe - they'll fit someone else." She says with a huge grin.

"_Pam_…"

"We'll have to wait a few months and see." She says with a sigh.

He walks over and eases down on the bed next to her. "Pam. C'mon. Seriously. Are you?"

Involuntarily her hand skims over her stomach and tears spring to her eyes. "Yeah. Pretty much."

He's shivering and dizzy and nothing short of…overwhelmed.

"_PAM_." He says softly as his hand covers hers. "Are you sure you're OK?"

"I'm fine. We're fine." She smiles widely even as she sniffles a bit.

He knew he loved her. He was sure of it. But now…now…it was more than he'd ever dreamed of.

"I surprised you didn't I?" She whispers against his neck as he pulls her close.

"Oh yeah. You definitely did." He holds her tighter.

_How did this happen? When did we get here? And why the hell did we wait so long? _

"I hope you've learned your lesson." She says as his mouth moves over hers.

"What?" He pulls back a bit and looks at her completely confused.

"Never, ever, challenge me Halpert." She says as she shifts and takes his face in her hands. She kisses him long and hard before she pulls away, laughing. "You'll lose, every time."


End file.
